LIFE AS I SEE IT

Past in the present

2011-05-30T18:49:00.004+05:30

When there is something that is a significant part of your memories from yesteryears.. formative years more so, you tend to want to do it over and over again. That can be a pattern of behaviour, that can be the songs you heard, that can be the food you ate, that can be the kind of people you grew up being fond of, that can be the kind of life you wanted for yourself. You want a replay of yesteryears to be embedded in your present somewhere. Some people want it very consciously, some people don't know they do.. but they too want a replay of the fond memories somewhere embedded in their day to day life. When it doesn't happen you find yourself looking for something that is missing. You may have had the most tumultuous childhood, but they were your golden years. They were when you were a naive innocent person. They were when you didn't think life had to be this tough. You want reminders and assurance that life is still good.

Hope it turns out to be that way for all of us.

Good luck. Dream on. :)

Love,
Doublelifer.

I am alive! (Yay!)

2011-04-20T01:38:00.002+05:30

I'd been feeling this numbness in hands and feet after I abruptly woke up from sleep sometimes - especially in my hands. Particularly very noticably during flights.

It was a bit tingly and went away after a bit or after i flexed my hands. But it had me worried alright! The discomfort also catapulted since I had a couple of extremely long flights in a short period of time lately.

So the diagnosis began. The first couple of searches I did, I got things like Stroke, paralysis and well, rheumatoid arthritis.

A random conversation with my sister, and she tells me our aunt has begun developing rheumatoid arthritis. I didn't know about it. So I asked her to explain what that meant. As she explained, I felt - whoa! This is it! This is what has happened to me! I don't tell her that though.

I look it up on wiki. I look at the picture of the hand. I look at my hand. Well, my pinky finger has always been a little on a different angle from my other fingers. I take a picture of my hand to compare. My imagination starts running wild. As always.

The plot thickens.

I get reeeaally worried. Nooo! What about my 12 children from the future? What will happen to them if I am going to be terminally ill?

But I then got to this thread:

'Numbness in hand after waking up from sleep' on Wrong Diagnosis

Eureka! It's the posture! It's the posture!

I am ecstatic!

This makes more sense - and this was the only non-life-threatening; or atleast non chronic thing I could find. Even though, ironically, the site is called "wrong diagnosis". Well, in my case it doesn't seem so wrong. Atleast more right than all the other diagnoses I came up with. Rheumatoid arthritis can wait until I'm 45. Or something. Atleast? Please? :-/

Lord! Am I turning into a hypochondriac? Or is it just that I am growing old!

Oh well...

Love and Good Health,

Doublelifer

Chicago

2011-04-02T21:39:00.004+05:30

My Chicago Trip. Also, my first overseas trip.

So the place is beautiful. Clean and organized - which is pleasing.

I love travelling, love seeing new places. But I don't quite get the big deal about this country. Home is, and will always be India. Swadesh. No, I am not a cynic. Just, I don't get why people (in my country I mean) seem to be going bonkers about shifting to the United States of America (Except for more money maybe?).

Make no mistake, I am definitely looking forward to the rest of my trip. Just saying, since I was hoping to be struck by awesomeness when I reached here - given the number of people going wow about here. But it felt like, okay great.. but blah! No magic. What's the fuss about the american dream?

Here's some pictures I've taken so far.

Chicago Apr 2011

Love.

p.s. - The food here is oh-my-god-so-fattening! I hope that I magically don't put on more weight over the -next 2 weeks! :-/

On women: Our (un)complicated selves

2011-03-20T12:55:00.000+05:30

They say women are complicated. I don't think so.

Little things affect us. In a big way. Good things as well as bad things. Quicker and in a deeper way than men can imagine maybe. But does that make us complicated? I don't think so.

In fact, maybe we're too simple for them to understand. Which makes us seem complicated.

Why did I start off on this line of thought?

Well, the housemaid just left after her daily chores (more than usual given that it is Sunday), and left me with a feeling of contentment.

Why am I happy?

I simply love the way the house smells slightly of the floor cleaner and the tiles are shining clear and bright. The floor cleaner doesn't quite have the extracts of the rarest of rare flora carefully packaged by a French perfume seller. That is not what this is about.

I am not denying that I love perfume, in fact I am a sucker for things that smell good.

What I am saying though, is that what makes me happy is the feeling of something getting to a more organized state is fulfilling.

So we - the womankind, are famed to be multitaskers. And we are too. Inside our heads, though, we tend to be chaotic and panic when there's any unfinished business. More so, when there's multiple unfinished tasks. These tasks don't have to be those assigned to us by anybody else. These don't have to be of world changing significance. Just the fact that we feel something should be done is enough to add an item to the "unfinished" list.

I see the kitchen platform getting cleaned up, I see the garbage bag being replaced, I see the vessels getting washed and kept into their respective racks, I see the bathroom floor getting washed, And then I see the maid sit down and have her tea (which I made while she finished the chores); while she and I talk about her soon to be married daughter in broken hindi and english - since we have a language difference - And I experience the feeling of pure bliss. I find that I am smiling inside. My attention soon drifts to the laundry basket waiting to be emptied into the washing machine.

Small things make us happy. Small things make us sad too. And they say we're complicated? Not quite. :)

Love,

Me.

P.S. - Happy Holi folks. :)

Dream. Try.

2010-11-13T15:09:00.002+05:30

At the end of the day, you are on your own. People would come along, be nice to you, walk a little while beside you. They may stay back. They may not. You don't know. You make whatever you will of your life. And, if you think you're not where you wanted to be - you took some bad decisions while on your way here. Maybe you have a chance to rectify your mistakes, maybe you don't. You can only try. You'll never know for sure. Keep trying to get where you want to be. I wish I wasn't where I am too. But there's another possibility. Maybe tomorrow I will want to be where I am. Maybe this is part of the larger plan. Maybe I just don't know yet. Maybe if I keep trying to get out of this place I will succeed. Wish I knew what the plan is. You can't stop yourself from wanting things you're not certain of getting. That's what dreaming is about. You dream, you try. If you fall, you hurt. You stand up, you walk on, you heal. Sometimes it takes longer to heal, but heal you do. If you lose sight of this rationale when you're broken, it's alright. It will come to you. We're all unsure. We're all wary. We're all lost souls swimming in the fish bowl. We're all part of the larger game plan. We're specks of dust. We want to be happy specks. We dream of better days.

Love.

Save Our Tigers | Join the Roar

2010-02-07T02:57:00.001+05:30

Title: Save Our Tigers | Join the Roar
Link: http://gotaf.socialtwist.com/redirect?l=-827999872460968069321

Return of the Insomniac

2009-09-10T03:06:00.008+05:30

I need sleep.

I am not getting any.

I'm attempting to bore myself to sleep by writing nonsensical and/or incoherent information here.

I thought I had successfully overcome my long running insomnia. I don't know when it appeared again. But it has been around for some weeks now.

As I ramble on about not getting sleep (instead of switching off the lights, getting into the bed and actually trying to sleep), realization strikes - I have less than 4 hours left to catch up on my sleep before the despised doorbell starts ringing with the calls of the milkman, newspaper, housemaid and the cleaning lady as they start paying their daily visits. You might think I can ignore the doorbell and carry on sleeping - since anyone would probably ring a couple of times and leave. I wish! I've tried using that tactic a couple of times (very unsuccessfully) when I've felt the need for some extra hours of my therapeutic beauty sleep (or when I've spent the whole night awake again).

Out of these daily visitors, the housemaid seems to have consecrated the mornings to making sure we're all up (and very very grumpy). If you don't open the door within 2 rings of the doorbell; oh Good Lord, she bangs her fists on the door with incomprehensible draconian fury which has the capability to scare the living daylights out of a comatose person too!!! You can't help it! All you can do is jump out of the bed, run (to the door) for your life and let the woman in!

She makes as much noise as can possibly be made with whatever weapons are available to her - vessels, the broom, her very annoying vocal chords, and loud thumping of the floor with her feet with every step she takes while she walks around the house (I've got not clue how she's got so good at that!). If these indirect measures do not work well enough, she'll scream out our names to ask why a dish is lying where it is and even though it is very visibly dirty - are we sure we want it cleaned up?

(still not sleepy)

So after all this "hoo-haa" you expect the woman to be really detail oriented when it comes to cleaning up and go berserk if even a tiny spec of dust is visible anywhere in the house. Far cry from that!!! She's frustratingly bad!!!! She fails to see a Big Dark Brown Blotch on a Huge White Coffee Mug!

(Okay I'm beginning to sound very grumpy. Good Sign. But I still am not sleepy. :| )

Good thing the insomnia got me back to the blog though.

I think I'll make a move and try to get at least two hours of sleep.

Will be back! (soon)

Love,

Devil's own

Desultory Mentations

2009-05-25T13:09:00.007+05:30

I'm spending a weekday at home after long. I mean a weekday where everyone else is working, and I'm not. Ofcourse there have been public holidays. I have a leave today since exams begin tomorrow. I really want to write - I know not what shall I write though.

The light is coming back to life. Have been spending more time with friends, being more open hearted now. I haven't been analysing everything that everyone says in too deep now. It's too stressful to do that. So have been taking things and people on their face value. Keeps you fresh and going.

I'm supposed to be neck deep in studying right now - but just can't concentrate. Heck.. okay, I'll probably do random things I feel like doing and then try to tie myself down with business management later.

The television is switched on and playing a popular bollywood song. I cannot hear it, since it's muted. But this song is familiar and that is why I recognize it. I wonder why, but I tend to do this often - leave the television and on mute - with random non sensical imagery on its screen. I don't want to unmute it, since I find it not too pleasing to hear.. need some calm. But I refuse to turn it off too. Whilst I am deeply engrossed in looking at the computer screen, reading, on phone, or just lying there. Why do I do this? I don't know. I wonder what sort of comfort it gives me to have multiple rays of light create images of people in colorful outfits jump and scream their guts out - screams I cannot hear... or choose not to.

I'll write later... I'm not thinking clearly right now.

Love,

Devil's Own

Bound and Tagged...

2009-04-12T20:34:00.012+05:30

100 Questions...

1. Last drink: water

2. Last phone call : someone from kotak trying to sell insurance to me
3. Last text message: Last 2 days of Crossword Travel Fest. Special offer for all Book Reward members.
4. Last song you listened to: Aaj rapat jaye to humein na uthaiyyo, is playing on TV right now :D
5. Last time you cried: A week back... No I’m not a cry baby. It takes a lot to make me cry, and I NEVER ever cry in public. But you do break down at times, and it’s good to let out pressure building up inside

Have You Ever...

6. Dated someone twice: I have never “dated dated”..

7. Been cheated on? Yes.

8. Kissed someone & regretted it? Nope, you need to be in your senses always so you don’t have any regrets.
9. Lost someone special? yes
10. Been depressed? Yes, and been prescribed anti-depressants. Thankfully, snapped out of it without having to take any of those within days.
11. Been drunk and threw up? Never been drunk, but do intend to get drunk at least once in my lifetime. Wanna know what the fuss is all about.

Four Favourite Colors...

12. Black
13. Gold

14. The color of water. Yes I know it doesn’t have any, but to my eyes it has all the colors in the world and a beautiful looking substance
15. Green, Brown, Blue... ok yes i know i was supposed to write 4 colors, but it’s unfair to the other colors. I like all colors. And no permanent favourites other than black, but have momentary addictions to particular colors from time to time

Firsts...
16. Made new friends: Kindergarten. Ushma, Sudeepti, Abhijeet, Ninad
17. Fallen out of love: Oh yes.
18.Laughed until you cried: Everyday. For some reason I laugh way too much. Snap and I’d laugh
19. Met someone who changed you: This is a difficult one, I feel everyone we meet or see for even a remote instance affects us and the way we think. So I don’t think I have a specific answer to this question. I am what I am because of the life I’ve lived, the things I’ve seen and heard and felt and the people I’ve met.
20. Found out who your true friends were: I’m not sure... I don’t quite analyze and classify friends as true or untrue. All of us are humans, and we hang out with people we like to. There are times that we too fail to stand by someone through the thick and the thin. We need to understand that it’s ok if someone doesn’t stand by you. You need to stand by yourself and still not lose faith. Strong is stronger when alone.

21. Found out someone was talking about you: Oh always. It’s ok. You’ll talk about people, people will talk about you. It’s not always bad even though it’s annoying at times

Have You...

22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: what friend list?
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: what friend list are we talking about?
24. How many kids do you want to have: Dozens! J
25. Do you have any pets: Not yet, but I do intend to have a St. Bernard a little later once I have the space and time
26. Do you want to change your name: It’s a pretty common name yes, but Nope
27. What did you do for your last birthday: Kicked the hell out of my roomie’s personal balti J. No I wasn’t drunk or demented... will probably write about it sometime. But my birthdays aren’t grand celebrations, and for some reasons turn out to be worse than regular days.
28. What time did you wake up today: 0720 hrs

29. What were you doing at midnight last night: Wading through the pages of the latest issue of Vogue
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for: I’m an impatient person, so I can’t wait for anything. But uhmm.. I can’t wait for: a promotion, a car, a house of my own, a huge cute dog of my own, start travelling alone... quite a lot
31. Last time you saw your father: June 2007
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I’m what I am because of the way life’s been. It’s been tough in many patches, but that has taught me a lot and has made me a stronger and a better person. So I don’t want to change my life.
33. Most visited web page: Google devta

What's Your...
34. Name: eh? Nidhi – means treasure
35. Nicknames: I have a 5 letter name, that doesn’t really leave scope for nicknames.. but people call me Nidhu, Nidz, Nidhumal, Nidz, Mithi, Niki, Toofan Mail, Matki, Thinki

36. Zodiac sign: Taurus
37. Male or female or transgender: ???
38. Elementary: SSSVV
39. School: SSSVV

40. Colleges: IIPS DAVV, NMIMS
41.Hair color: Black
42. Long or short: Long
43. Height: 5’6”
44. Do you have a crush on someone? No
45. Ever been in love? Pass...
46. Piercings? Four in each ear
47. Tattoos? Not Yet
48. Righty or lefty: Right handed
49. First surgery: None
50. First piercing: Ear piercings when i was a baby. I don’t remember when
51. First best friend: Sudeepti/Ushma/Pinku
52. First sport you loved: Tennis. (I’m more into video games actually – Mario, Spartan, Galaxian, Lode Runner, Bomber Man, Tetris, Adventure Island, Mortal Kombat, Tekken, AOE et al)
53. First pet: A parrot called Mitthoo.. who we set free after less than a week since we did not want to keep a bird trapped in a tiny cage.
54. First vacation: Simla probably
55. First concert: Parikrama

56. First crush: Pass...

Right Now...
57. Eating: Nothing (I’m super hungry though)
58. Drinking: Nothing
59. I'm about to: Eat Soup
60. Listening to: The pressure cooker whistle
61. Waiting for: Nothing?

Your Future...
62. Want kids? By the DOZENS
63. Want to get married? Sure
64. Careers in mind? Certainly. A lot of things on this list – climb up the corporate ladder, write, edit, paint, travel..

Which is better with the opposite sex...??
65. Lips or eyes: I can’t choose one
66. Hugs or kisses: Both again.
67. Shorter or taller: Much taller preferably 6 feet’ish
68. Older or Younger: Older
69. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneously Romantic
70. Nice stomach or nice arms: Abs... Or stomach if you want to call it that. No GI Joes with humongous arms for me :p
71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
72. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
73. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hmmm... hesitant

Have you ever...??
73. Kissed a stranger: Nope
74. Lost glasses/contacts: Never wore any

75. Sex on first Date: Nope
76. Broken someone's heart: I hope not, but I might have. So if I have, it wasn’t intentional
77. Had your own heart broken: Heart broken? I don’t know... I like to call it been let down. Yes.
78. Been arrested: Nope
79. Turned someone down: Yes, quite a few

80. Cried when someone died: Yes
81. Liked a friend that is a girl? ?!?!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
82. Yourself: More than anything else
83. Miracles: Yes
84. God: Yes with all my heart. But, to me God is a power that surpasses all. God is not a creature, god does not have a form. I’m not religious, and you won’t see me folding my hands in front of an idol or image of lord everyday. Religious places make me feel peaceful because people believe they’ve come to visit god and the atmosphere is something. I don’t feel the need to be at a place or in a particular position to communicate with God.
85. Love at first sight: Only with a Bag/Dress/Pair of Shoes
86. Heaven: Heaven is where you want to be. If this means one of the two places you go to after you die, Nope.
87. Santa Claus: I would like to believe in him, but no i don’t.
88. Kiss on the first date? I don’t know, like I said.. I’ve never “dated” as such...
89. Angels: I believe in positive energy in/around people
90. Devils: I believe in negative energy in/around people

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
91. Is there one person you want to be with right now? I don't know..
92. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Nope

93. Wanted to kill someone ever? Heheh, we all say – I want to kill that guy!!!! But, No - of course not.
94. Among you blog mates, whom would you like to kiss? Whoever made this set of questions is obsessed with kissing, that might not be the only thing on everyone’s mind all the time no? Haha, no kissing please!

95. Committed a blunder and regretted later? Is there anyone who’s say no to this? We’re human, we make mistakes. Blunder is a synonym for a mistake.
96. Wanted to steal your friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? Nope

ASSOCIATE WITH SOMETHING YOU WEAR...
97. White: A pretty salwar kameez a delighted customer gave to me J
98. Black: half my wardrobe
99. Red: Tee
100. Pink: Nightsuit

Posting this as 100 Truths? Yes. (Weird question)

Ok Karan, There you go. You did wake me up from my slumber, and I’ve completed the tag successfully

Love,

Devil’s Own

2008: The year gone past

2009-01-18T20:28:00.009+05:30

Hello fellow bloggers and readers,

I have got myself a machine and access to Internet yet again... finally. :)
There's so much I have to talk about, there's so many things to be said... but i don't know why i feel at a loss of words. I hope i haven't lost my touch. I'm definitely rusty from the idleness, and i hope to recover from this writer's block very soon.

2008 - When we were children, we would think that by this year we'd be living in space age. I for one sure felt that way. But now that we've lived in it and have come even further, it doesn't really feel we're progressing as fast as we imagined.

The last year was very eventful... for the country, the world, and for me.

My first close experience with a terror attack (I was not in it, and was not personally affected by the attack, but knowing that it was happening around me, and watching television as it went on for more than 2 days, as we kept losing so many people to the terrorists as time went by was utterly disturbing. Not going to work because we don't know if there are any terrorists going around the city.. made me a different person in many ways), My first job switch, first recession - and the realization that there can arrive a situation where I'll lose my job, first transfer (within the city, and for better), first flat (no i did not buy one, just took up a rented one... that is a long way to go. Sigh!), first television (now this I did buy :D), First Fraud (that was a big shock), First Roomie fight (don't even get me started on that one), first housemaid hunt, first time that i paid Diwali bonus :D... So many firsts. Extreme highs and extreme lows. But if I look at my life at the end of this year as against in the beginning... it has only changed for better in every way and taught me the ways of life. So far, this has been the most significant year of my life.

I look forward to a good year ahead for each one of us, and to be back in blogosphere.

Regards,
Devil's Own

I shall return...

2008-09-14T18:46:00.001+05:30

I can't believe I haven't written a post for over a year! Writer's block- maybe?! I promise myself, that I would be back to blogging by the end of this year :p. Three months... long enough time to get organized and take some time out for something I love doing.

Readers... Thank you for acknowledging the existence of this dormant blog

Will be back in a bit... Got the Flu right now, so signing off for now

Miss you all

Love,

Devil's own

Water water everywhere

2007-07-01T13:49:00.000+05:30

My first encounter with the very popular Mumbai rains. Every year I, like many others watched on television with fascination with mumbai monsoons and how people are straddling their way through waist deep water. Didn't know that I would also be doing the same thing in a desperate attempt to go home and get some sleep.

I threw my mammothian bag out the door before the train could start moving and got off the train from chandigarh at the andheri station and looked round.. Home sweet home! People running everywhere like usual, the announcements which indicated the arrivals and departures of the churchgate and borivali locals. The platform was wet and raindrops fell from the roof on my t shirt, so i carefully shifted a little on the inside to avoid my clothes getting wet. Called for a porter since there was no way I could have dragged that bulk of a bag on my own up the stairs and then down and then squeeze through the maddening crowd, all trying to get home or get wherever and also manage to beat so many others to an auto rickshaw. Was humid and drippy everywhere but wasn't raining too much. Reached home, met my landlords, had tea, screamed and hugged and met my roomies and then after unpacking and getting ready, off to work.Kept looking at the glass panes and the water pouring through whatever was visible between the blinds and wishing I was out there. After nine hours, I could finally go there an get wet all I wanted to. Before I went downstairs, I approached the glass panes and stared down at the Mithi river flowing wild as if going after a prey. Some vehicles in the parking lot downstairs had fallen over.. no knee deep water was visible though. So despite advise of many colleagues that I should stay at work and not try to go home, I - the successor of Alexander the great decided I wanted to go home and sleep and would do that no matter what. So the cab started, covered about 60 metres before we arrived in knee deep water and deciding there was no way the cab was going beyond that without getting stuck in the middle of nowhere. I sat and waited for the driver to change his mind. Then he asked me to take the next bus that comes along. I thought.. Hey! I braveheart am going to walk home. Thus began the odessey of 2 hours.. the journey which takes 10 minutes by any cab.
As I walked the water level rose inch by inch.I thought aaaah! my new hidesign bag!!!! But well I couldn't do nethin about it getting wet, i flung open the umbrella.. which kept my hair dry if nothing else. :D people all around on the road, cars/bikes/buses trying to turn around and take some other way. Policemen, civilians were helping people around, standing with sticks to see if there where potholes where anyone could trip and directing people away from them. While i trudged some people asked me "Madam where do you need to go? Find a place to stand for a while and then go later". I thought, well okay let me do that, A policeman looked at my desperate expression and offered to lead me to the petrol station ahead where I could wait for a bit and then move on. He held my hand and started walking, I was trying my best to keep up with his speed in my skirt which was cutting down on my speed (grrrr! couldn't i have work my jeans!). Thankfully I was wearing my 50 buck chappals from linking road, not leather sandals. We reached there and he asked me to wait there for a while. okay, did that for about 5 minutes. But people around me where going ahead towards the same direction I had to walk. Why should I be standing here then? I starting walking too. the water level rose, was in water waist deep. There was a hospital there and the doctor was also standing outside and making a video with his handycam. He advised me to stand on the stairs and let the rain slow down. I did. Every time a bst bus drove down the road at a speed of abt 10 kmph.. which was the highest anyone could have achieved there, a huge wave arose, hit the pavements and splash 6 feet up in the air.Whoa! I was shit scared to start walking now. If another bus came while I was walking I would drown! So I chose to stand there for eternity while also getting impatient and thinking 'I wanna go hoooomee!!'. :( After a while the same policeman who had led me to the petrol station came there. He looked at me and said you are still here? I said yes, how can I walk here? He said okay come let me lead you till there.. he was referring to the place where water level was hardly covering the feet. So he held my hand again and I trudged along.. he realised my nice 50 buck chappals were cutting down my speed and asked me to take them off. I very carefully took off one so that I dint lose it somewhere in the water.The second one came off my foot before i could reach it and I thought nooooooooooo don't go away, and before I could think more, the chappal was floating near my knee :D, so picked it up and there we go again.He left me there and asked me to be careful ahead. I am ever so thankful to him. I dont know what his name was but he helped me a lot and I wouldn't have reached home had it not been for him. If you ever read this.. the chances aren't even one in a million, but Thank You Mr. Policeman! From there I started again, pebbles hurting my feet and some stray plastic bags annoying my feet while the water pressure gave me much needed exercise. But that was hardly a concern.. I wanted to go hhhoooome! A short woman smiled at me as she was also trudging along and joined me. The water level was rising again. The water which was thigh level for me was more than waist deep for her. she kept chatting with me, that was distracting me from the effort I was having to put in, so good enough. The water level sunk again and reduced to about ten inches.. slowly and after much awaiting I was home! My nice landlady made me some tea, I took a shower to get rid of the filthy dirt that was all over me and changed into my nightdress and took the blanket which was lying unused for ages. My food was here and yaaayy! hot yummy aloo paranthas - puurrrfect! Once I finish it I slip into bed pick up my book, read about 5 pages and then drift off into a nice cosy sleep that this whole ordeal was for :)

Hats off to this city that I now call home

Love,

Devil's Own

Back after months! :)

Hoping for hope to die...

2006-08-17T16:05:00.000+05:30

Sometimes hope can be a barrier in your life. If hope weren't there you would realize what is actually happening and stand up and take certain decisions. Hope makes you cling to things, which in its absense do/will not make any sense. Hope makes things unclear. It makes you overlook the past and the present and only focus on a miraculous future. Wheareas, rationally thinking, there's no reason or chance that things will happen the way you want. Losing hope hurts... hurts bad... but in one go.. it doesnt make u miserable every now and then..
Once you recover, you become a stronger person..
As Nietszche said "What does not kill me makes me stronger"
When things are going down the drain, hope appears out of thin air for no reason at all and makes you lose perspective. We are only humans, we are weak, we are feeble.. and maybe God gives us hope to put some strength in us to move on.. but it makes you hang on to non-existent things.. which will not help you in the long run.
I guess hope's not all that good.

Give me strength god.. help me

Listen to the song i've been listening to all day today

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone elses words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of live and the seeds of change were planted

Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but
I took a heavenly ride through one silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride trough our silence
I knew the waiting had begin
And headed straight... into the shining sun

Pink Floyd - Coming Back To Life

Regards,

Devil's own

The Reason Is You...

2006-08-11T01:28:00.000+05:30

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Love this song....

Love,

Devil's Own

Bubble gum? yes!

2006-08-07T13:53:00.000+05:30

Good Thinking God!! :)

Regards,

Devil's Own

Torn

2006-08-04T12:51:00.000+05:30

They looked at the chocolate with denuded eyes as I held it in my hand and fiddled with the wrapper. They stood there and kept looking. I couldn't make myself eat it after catching a glance of the stripped naked yearning in their eyes. The girl must have been 6 and her little brother - 3. I turned and walked towards them.. as I reached near, they looked scared.. scared that I might yell at them, or shoo them away. I sat on my knees as I reached them and asked them if they'd like to have the chocolate... no reaction... wrong question.. they were scared and now puzzled. I held her tightly clenched fist and tried to open it.. she loosened her grip and let me.. i kept the chocolate there.. and a faint smile appeared on her face... for just about a nanosecond.. but somehow i managed to see it. She held her brother's hand and lifted it up for me to keep the chocolate there... i did as she desired and walked away.. I turned after walking a little distance and turned.. they were still there.. standing still... then she helped him unwrap the chocolate, divided it into two parts and gave the bigger share to her brother. They smiled and looked at each other as they ate it. They looked up at me again... too skeptical to smile.

Regards,

Devil's own

already???

2006-08-03T14:40:00.000+05:30

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhh!!!!!!!!
I can't view my blog!!!!!!!

Freedom of expression

2006-07-23T11:07:00.000+05:30

The Indian government wants to block certain blog sites, which include blogspot too. I can still access my account, but my friend in Mumbai has already lost access. All this jazz is happening because they found certain pages where there where opinions expressed which were obviously not praising the government policies/functioning. They are the authority, they have the power to block the modes of expression, but there's no way they can change the way people think. What do they think? If people mouth anti-government opinions on phone they'll block phone lines?? I don't even understand why such an issue is being made out of such a miniscule thing... and this is what will blow things out of proportion. Blocking those particular pages they found objectionable would have been bad enough.. but they're going to block the complete sites and prevent anyone to host blogs! People will find other ways to express themselves.. this really will not help. And whatever happened to freedom of expression?? So what if certain people do not agree with everything that's going on? and for every extremist opinion expressed on a blog, there are at least five other opinions expressed which are opposite of that in the first place. A healthy interaction goes on. what's the fuss all about? The goverment can also study these and find what their people are like, what they want and how satisfied or not their people are.

It's shameful to see how the government of the largest democracy in the world functions.

Regards,

Devil's own

Tottering Philanderers

2006-06-28T15:59:00.001+05:30

I am always surprised when supposedly respectable men, at an age when they're supposed to be worried sick about their children's future/careers/marriage go around making passes at girls less than half their age. They follow them around, trouble and embarass them notwithstanding their greying hair, wives at home and kids who aren't even kids anymore. If questioned, they pretty easily get off the hook by pretending their intentions were totally misunderstood, and that they were only trying to help/advise... and that how in the world could such an outrageous remark be made about them - afterall, the girl/s are kids and just like their own daughters! This whole scenario draws out an immense amount of disgust from within me!

It is of course uncomfortable and disturbing enough when loafers and hooligans make trouble for women.. but at least it is more or less what is expected out of these people. They can be shooed away, they can be slapped, help can be called for. But in the other scenario, there isn't much that can be done. They can much easily dodge any aquisitions.No matter what, they've lived long enough to know the world better than college going bums, and also have much less confusion and fear about everything. This makes it easier for them to carry on, and tougher to make them stop. I do agree that their is a considerably low percentage of men who do these things as compared to young guys (at least that is how i see it), but these are the same people who go around criticising and blabbering how difficult and irresponsible the younger generation is.

I've seen it a whole lotta times - these men chasing girls... actually even experienced it myself.. thank goodness it has been limited to them driving ahead, maintaining their pace and adjusting their rear-view mirrors - or maybe following you for a while... and that was bad enough... but i've been lucky. I pity their wives and families at home who are proud of these men, and totally unaware of things they are upto. Maybe some wives are even aware - I pity them even more, because they are not even going to give a thought to rebel/go agaisnt/leave their husbands. Can't even blame them for that though. They've been raised in a way and believed that they are totally dependant on men. This also reminds me of a quote by Helen Rowland in her book 'Reflections of a Bachelor girl':

"When you see what some girls marry, you realise how they must hate to work for a living"

I do agree - a lot of women depend on men not because they have no other choice, but, because it is much more convenient this way, than to go out in the big bad world and work themselves. Here they're protected and have the things they need served in a platter - so what fi their husbands are totally detestable, haven't matured a bit or learnt anything from their lives even after five decades of life. And this is not about the flashy rich men, got nothing to do with it... even their counterparts behave in this manner... maybe more than the former - because they have social circles and are virtually living their lives in the way they would like others to see.

Time is the greatest teacher they say... any greater teachers around?

Regards,

Devil's Own

Saddled

2006-06-26T17:26:00.000+05:30

A few days back i met this person... i instantly felt there was something weird about him. His eyes looked tired and afraid, he looked unsure when he talked, scared of the judgements of the world, and yet trying to give the impression that he was smart, confident , cool, carefree and loaded with knowledge... esp about psychology. But when i looked at him, he looked very afraid of what might/might not happen tomorrow... and he had grudges against the whole world for not letting his life become what he wanted it to be... for makng him make bad choices.

As he got talking, he had trouble looking at anyone in he eye... yet making sure he looked everyone straight into the eyes, and not flinch even once. When someone tried to put his own point forward while we were in a discussion... he behaved in a set pattern everytime. First, he pretended to listen.. and then dodge whoever besides him had anything to say... but when he thought he wasnt foing it too well, he tried to make the person feel inferior and insult him by not even paying attention.. raising his volume further and continuing to talk. Opposition to any point he made, made him totally uncomfortable and uneasy.

At first I felt anger when he didn't let anyone speak... but then I felt bad for him, because, I thought there must be such a lot of chaos and discomfort in his mind. I could sense that he didn't feel belonged and accepted. Bearing a feeling of inferiority in his mind... he tried to overcome that. He must have started to make efforts to make people feel small and intimidate them. He must have had to make such a lot of effort to bridge the gap between the two extremes in his mind. Afraid and conscious what anyone would think about him, trying to please everyone, yet telling himself... and everyone around... that he wasnt concerned abt anyone or anything in the world.

Going to a shrink has such a lot of stigma attached to it in our country... that let alone the people

who are afraid to go and talk to a counceller because people might think he's weak..... But, people actually start believing there is no need to take help... that they are strong enough at anytime to run their lives themselves. True... no one else can run your life for you... but there's no harm trying to ease your discomfort by letting someone help... actually... when you go to a shrink... you dont even need to call it help... they are paid services.

I believe it takes more courage to accept the weaknesses and take steps to solve the problems... of course, that is after you accept that yes, a problem does exist; than to tell everyone and yourself that there is no problem... and that... if there ever was, they dont need help. But yes, suffering in the latter case is far greater.

The society exists to make lives of the people who make it better - and not so that individuals have to modify their lives as per the convenience of the society. Yes, I do believe that there are certain ways and unwritten codes of conduct that you need to and should follow because we live in an interdependent civilization. But we also need to remember that it is more important to run your live in a manner that is satisfactory for you and people concerned and be happy than to pretend and make people believe it is so...

Regards,

Devil's own

A Talk to remember

2006-06-12T12:40:00.000+05:30

I met an old gentleman today while I had gone to the vegetable vendor with my friend to quickly pick up some veggies for the curry being prepared at home. He was wearing a suit, and a cap of the same grey color typical of the northern hilly regions of the country. As I walked to the stall, he caught my attention. He looked very old, but yet his eyes weren't tired, they had a youth in them. He was standing there, smiling, looking at the fresh vegetables when I asked the seller how much the drumsticks cost. As he answered, the old man told him "oh! don't you fool the children. I know these do not cost that much"... Then he turned to me and explained how to identify the good ones from the bad; which ones taste better in the curry... then as if his mind went back to recall the taste, he looked up at the sky and then looked back and said that he loved eating them. He closed his eyes for a few seconds as if to relish the taste in his mind.

He was really enjoying talking to us... and of course, so were we :). As the conversation moved on, he told us he was from Badrinath, which is a famous pilgrimage of India, and from what I've seen on television and read - A very beautiful place and a treat for the senses. He was in the city to celebrate the birth of his great grandchild, and he was 87 years old.

He was quite happy and jolly and he seemed very content with his life. He said he had happily lived his life, and for a longer time than he expected to, and now he wished and prayed for the later generations to live their life fully.

My attention drifted to the vegetables again, and then I asked him what he was there to buy. He threw his hand in the air and said oh nothing! I was just walking past and I saw these lovely karelas (bittergourds). So I thought I'll go have a look at them, and chat a while with the vendor.

It was truly a pleasure talking to him, and my heart was content and I had a smile on my face for a long time after my encounter with him. He asked me what I was studying, and he smiled and said you'll be a 'big' person a few years from now, and that people will look upto me. And I felt happy when he said that. We told him that we had been friends since kindergarten, and he grinned, as if a granddad looking at his grandchildren with pride in his eyes. Then he again told us a little about himself, and that he was taking a stroll across the streets, and that he liked it bst, when he was in places of worship. He was on his way to the vaishnodevi temple a few blocks ahead.

He left me with a lot of blessings and good wishes and a heart full of mirth. It was a treat to meet him; and someday, when I am his age, I hope even I can look back at the years I lived, and smile and be satisfied with the way I lived, and then pass on my wishes and the lessons that I learnt to the generation that will be.

As he was leaving I said 'It was a pleasure meeting you uncle'. And he quickly turned and said 'oh! you're so young, you're like my grandchildren. Don't call me uncle, call me Dadaji (grandpa)' And I smiled and bid Dadaji adieu.

I watched him as he walked on and disappeared from my sight.... and I smiled....

Love,

Devil's own

super site!!

2006-05-16T18:13:00.000+05:30

hi all!! check out this link!

http://home.comcast.net/~wolfand/

:)

do tell me whaddaya think ;)

Regards,

Devil's own

Chew over these

2006-04-11T20:08:00.000+05:30

Of late I have been collecting quotes and noting them down in my diary, and I have a pretty fine collection now. I have taken the quotes from newspapers, magazines, comic strips, books, posters, and even some from fictional novels. When I come across a statement which makes so much sense to me, I jot is down. I am very impressed by the huge meaning and implications that the small lines can hold. A lot of times, a single line – a small set of words triggers a whole new thought process, and at other times they are things I already know and believe in and stand by, but I love the manner in which they have been expressed. Here I have posted some of those that I liked most.

“There’s no problem so big that it can’t be run away from”

“The best way to avoid responsibility is to say, “I’ve got responsibilities”

“Sometimes when almost everything is going wrong, one thing is so right; you would do it all over again”

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear”

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen”

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort”

“A million women rose to their feet with the cry ‘we will not be dictated to’ and promptly became stenographers”

“There’s no one way to dance. And that is kind of my philosophy about everything”

“If you reveal your secrets to the wind; you should not blame the wind for revealing it to the trees”

“Parents wonder why the streams are bitter when they themselves have poisoned the fountain”

“Experience: That most brutal of all teachers. But you learn, my God you do learn”

“We are loved for not we are, but what we are fancied to be”

“It’s all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back”

“Life has a way of reinforcing all your worst assessments of yourself”

Here’s a paragraph from a book I recently read. I firmly agree with this:
“You can understand and relate to most people better if you look at them – no matter how impressive they may be – as if they are children. For most of us never really grow up or mature all that much – we simply grow taller. Oh, to be sure we laugh less and play less and wear uncomfortable disguises like adults; but beneath the costume is the child we always are, whose needs are simple, whose daily life is still best described by fairy tales”

Ponder over these. They make a lot of sense.

Regards,

Devil’s own

ALONE

2006-04-05T19:10:00.000+05:30

From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were – I have not seen
As others saw – I could not bring
My passions from a common spring –
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow – I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone –
And all I lov’d – I lov’d alone

-Edgar Allan Poe

(Un)Holy Matrimony

2006-04-05T19:04:00.000+05:30

An ad in the matrimonial section of the Sunday newspaper:
***
Engr. Dr. Parents seek alliance for daughter 30/158, fair, Mgmt, PG, XLRI, MNC, Mumbai, 15 lacs p.a.
***
I do not understand why they mentioned the girl’s salary in the ad. No doubt, her pay is definitely impressive, but aren’t they putting it their as a bait to lure people? Wouldn’t people with the wrong intentions approach them? How can the girl’s parents be sure that the guys who respond and the guy they choose did not just decide to approach them because the girl earns good money? What if they choose the wrong person? Would they have got as many responses as they would have through this ad had they not mentioned the salary? As important as doing the right thing is doing it for the right reasons. Marriage one of the most important decisions of anyone’s life no matter what kind of a person he or she is or how ambitious, career minded, or home loving anyone is. The foundation of marriage itself cannot be affirmed here. Would the girl get respect from her spouse if she loses her job or stops working and does not earn as much? Maybe she would, but isn’t it better to be sure?

I strongly believe that marriage is a very important and a very crucial decision and so is who and why you marry. People say they don’t have time to pay attention to anything except their career/ ambition/ achieving a certain goal. That it is not important who they marry. Wouldn’t they be working while staying married all their life? Wouldn’t marriage and career be two aspects of your life? Then why not do justice to the decision and pay the attention it requires? The most important thing is that the two people getting married are compatible and love each other. If the parents make the match, then at least like and respect each other.

Money is the worst possible reason to get married. Maybe initially the marriage feels like a bed of roses, but some years down the lane the money would mean nothing at all. Yes, it is important that you have sufficient money, but you will be happier with a decent life and a spouse who loves you and you love instead of a luxurious life and a lifeless relationship with the spouse.

Regards,

Devil’s own

Give me Strength

2006-04-05T18:46:00.000+05:30

What do you count on when everything in your life is going wrong? Why should you hope when intelligence tells you that it is not going to happen? Where does hope come from? Why do you keep telling yourself everything will work out fine when you don’t even recall the last time things were going right? Why do you depend so much on someone that your life seems worthless without your person? Why do you ask questions whose answers you are afraid of and then break into tears every time you realize that the answers haven’t changed? Why are you afraid of death? And why is death called the easy way out? If death is so easy why is everyone so scared of dying? Why should someone not be allowed to choose whether he wants to live or die? Where is my guardian angel? What will give you happiness when your family, your career, your health and your relationships don’t? Why can’t you turn back time? Why are the things you want the most get out of your reach? Help me God, give me wisdom, and give me strength.

Regards,

Devil's Own

Ruckus

2006-03-21T17:25:00.000+05:30

I just cannot understand why the heck was that song ever composed! Every time I hear the song or watch it on television it makes me wanna get up and throw the TV out of the balcony, seriously! Or to quote F.R.I.E.N.D.S., it makes me want to put my fingers through my eyes into my brain and swirl it around! I am talking about this new smash hit by Himesh Reshamiya called Jhalak Dikhla Ja, and featuring Emran Hashmi – the icing on the cake! Himesh Reshamiya and Emran Hashmi certainly look like they were meant to be together, but some place else…ummm, like… the jungles of South Africa… or maybe the Sahara desert… just somewhere away from humankind. Himesh Reshamiya with his nosy voice, unkempt beard and his stupid cap is so damn annoying, plus the snobbish yet attempting to appear down-to-earthish attitude. How could he just become a music director? I don’t even find him fit to be a playback singer. And then there’s mister serial kisser of the Indian film industry – Mr. Emran Hashmi with his bent neck and retarded stare who apparently thinks of himself as a hunk. I really cant even put it into words how… ugh… disgusting I find him. Why does he keep getting roles? Maybe its not just these two people, the complete song is appalling somehow. What furthermore irritates me is that the moronic song is topping charts in countdown shows on so many channels and also is the current rage for dancers everywhere – shaadis, discotheques and even holi functions!!! Kids, college goers – everyone seems to love that song, then why do I hate it that much? I live at a place where there are quite a few marriage halls nearby, and the people in the apartment in front of ours are way too social. The people have a get together every week for no reason at all. Well I wouldn’t have any problem with that had they kept their excitement a bit low and not installed that huge sound and speaker system each time they decide to party, and play that lovely song with drunk and pot bellied grown up men, their wives, the children, the youngsters everyone dancing around and screaming and shouting. I wonder how they get away with it and how come no one complains about the volume. I have to turn the volume of my computer way too high to be able to listen to it after closing the main door of the house, the dining room and then the door to my bedroom. Oh god, now look I have totally drifted from the topic.Bottom-line is I loathe and I abhor the song!!!!! It is so repugnant!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargghhh!!!!!! And I just want all the copies of the cassettes, cds, and whatever devices have that song stored and of course Himesh Reshamiya and Emran Hashmi to be thrown into the grand canyon or maybe the pacific ocean. Can anyone help me?

Regards,

Devil's own

Lip Service

2006-03-13T18:59:00.001+05:30

It is so convenient to keep people content and satisfied by being diplomatic. Express agreement on whatever they have to say with or without actual conviction. Really, it doesn’t take much to keep people happy and maintain good relations with them, just in case you might need them later! All it takes is lack of dignity, self respect and a few more similar virtues. Of course, I understand there are sometimes when you just have to be a diplomatist, and there have been times in my life too when I should have and could have just smiled and nodded and excused myself from situations I would rather not have been in. But I guess I am too stubborn to compromise on my self respect. So, I just have to go ahead and say what I actually think and get myself in a mess. But at least I am not ashamed of myself then. I have been true to myself. Hypocrisy prevails. I guess a lot of people would think that why should I make an issue out of that. Everybody keeps everybody happy, and moves on. I really don’t know why, but when someone does that with me it frustrates me. I just cannot play along. I feel like screaming and shaking the person and telling him why can’t you just be yourself? Why do you have to be so fake? Just go ahead and do what you want, say what you want. Disagree with me; tell me you think I am wrong. I am not a 450 pound sumo wrestler, I will not kill you. Maybe we would end up arguing. But would you not feel lighter once you have spoken your mind? Stood up for what you believe in? If you are not answerable to me, it is fine. Tell me you do not feel the need to explain your actions to me. For heaven’s sake don’t try to win everybody’s vote. At least not by being so fake. Get a grip. Accept that there will be people who do not agree with you. Ah, what a perfect world it would have been if everyone thought alike, and everyone agreed with each other on everything. But that is not the reality. People have different point of views. Be strong enough to face conflicts, difference of opinions, disagreement and contradictions. It is okay if everyone who knows you does not praise you. You’ll be respected for standing up for your beliefs. People will not tell you they respect you. But be true to yourself, they will; even if they dislike you. And may be there are people who do not even respect you, but wouldn’t you be able to respect yourself? Why the hell is the need to go out of your way to make people think you are something that you are not? God! I don’t know what all I am blabbering. I probably have been repeating the same thing in the whole post.

I do not think you need to tell everyone exactly what is going on in your mind. But how can you not be true to yourself, leave alone other people? I for one will actually end up in a serious identity crisis if I try maintaining different identities when with different people. It is okay with me if there are people who dislike me, and contradict me. At least the people who do like me, like me for who I really am. I do not have to put up masks. If people dislike me, they dislike my actual self, and if they like me, they like the real me. This has always been an issue with me. For me to like anyone, the person should not be fake. Be what you want to be. Scream, shout, cry, dance around, be foolish, be egoistic, dance around, laugh out loud, succeed, fail whatever. Just be who you are, and I will respect you. Don’t try to be someone you are not, don’t try to imitate anyone. Everyone is special in their own way.

Be subtle in your ways. Don’t be too harsh on anyone, don’t be too rude, and don’t hurt anyone. If there are times you have to, you cannot help it – go ahead. You are not expected to be a saint. But stand up for what you believe in. have faith in yourself. If you can do something, you can. You do not have to prove yourself for every other person. When you have to, you know you just have to.

People I am not trying to preach. Forgive me if I sound that way. I have used ‘you’ everywhere, but I am kind of thinking out loud here. I can never have a career in politics! :)

Regards,

Devil's own

The monk who had nothing better to do

2006-03-13T18:43:00.000+05:30

I read Ernest Hemingway’s Old man and the sea. Nice book, I mean not bad. It is just a 100 page book, but still is a bit slow. The moral of the story is pretty good too. How difficult a problem is depends upon how you see it. But I failed to understand why the author was honored with a Nobel Prize for literature for this book. Perhaps, he was given the Nobel Prize for his entire works. If that is so, then I cannot comment, as this is the only work of his that I have read. Actually, come to think of it, most award winning novels are not very impressive. I mean impressive to me. I begin thinking what exactly are their criteria for a book qualifying for a booker or a Nobel or something? Who in the world judges these books?

The most talked about books generally turn out to be disasters.
I had wanted to read The Monk who sold his Ferrari by Robin Sharma for so long. I picked up the book yesterday and it was a big disappointment. According to the back cover of the book, the author is one of North America’s most electrifying speakers… well, I was electrified alright!! I didn’t even have the patience to just browse through the whole book. It was way too boring. The author being an Indian had just tried to sell India in the book, and has topped it with enormous helpings of things like spirituality and the like. It is a mystic land, sages and the blah. I cannot say about the whole book, because I couldn’t survive even a quarter of it. But at least in the initial chapters it has just glorified India. I wouldn’t have had any problem with that had the story been even a little more interesting. I thought it wouldn’t be just another self help book. Every third person I met had loved the book. But I really don’t understand why. This hot shot lawyer is obsessed with his work, running after glory and pride, disastrous personal life, divorced blah blah. Gets a heart attack in the middle of a trial, decides to abandon everything and try to get in touch with nature, decides to go to India, finds mysterious sages and starts living with them. He is the first to be able to find those sages in ages, as if he is the one they were waiting for to pass on their wisdom. The sages give him seven tips/advices/pointers/whatever to Get a Life (!), he promises to return to his world and spread the wisdom. Comes back a better person – lost all extra pounds, glow on his face, cheerful, no stress and stuff, and begins to pass on the wisdom to his colleague and that is where I lost patience and stopped reading it. What crap!

Regards,

Devil's own

2006-02-05T20:19:00.001+05:30

I feel miserable, i dont want to cry... maybe i do. i dont know
I feel helpless

SOS

2006-02-05T20:19:00.000+05:30

It is annoying when people expect me to look good all the time, dressed perfectly, with perfect hair and a picture perfect bright expression and a smile on your face? I am sorry I cannot work according to your expectations all the time. People expect you to be perfect all the time, but don’t want you to be better than them. So when you do seem perfect they are jealous and when not, they point fingers and make fun of you. What the heck is their problem? Just get on with your lives and leave me alone.
There are going to be days I’m feeling down, days on which I don’t want to be sweet to everyone, days I don’t wanna listen to the problems in your life, days I am preoccupied with decisions of my life, days I may not wanna pay attention to my hair or my dress, days I don’t wanna be bothered at all.
There are going to be times that the food I cook may be short of salt, there are going to be times I’m going to spill milk while boiling, and there are going to be times I will forget to put sugar in the tea, there are going to be times I over or undercook food. I don’t want to be perfect, or I don’t want you to tell me I should be perfect or less than that. I want to be human.
There are going to be times when my bag gets torn, there are going to be times when my sandals get spoiled, there are going to be times I will want to watch stupid movies which do not seem to have intelligent storylines or perfect direction, there are going to be times I would want to listen to idiotic music, there are going to be times when I will read books that would seem unintelligent, there are going to be days I’ll seem clumsy, there are going to be times when my drawings will turn out to be miserable, there are going to be times I’ll sing cacophony, there are going to be times I’ll be conscious and nervous on stage, there are going to be times I would not know how to get on with a case study or a project, there are going to be times I’ll take bad decisions, there are going to be times when I’d be in a foul mood and want to take out my frustration on someone. I want to be rude to someone. I don’t wanna forgive you for things you do to me. Why do I have to be a nice person? Why?
I don’t wanna have times when I fail to see what people are actually like; I don’t want to be fooled. I don’t want you to get me all emotional and submit to your demands, and keep regretting later. I want to insult people if they humiliate me. I don’t want to be nice. I don’t. Nice people don’t get anywhere. They just get stamped on and run over.
I feel like a pressure cooker with all the steam building up inside me, and will blast some day.
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!

I cant think of a title...

2006-02-05T20:17:00.000+05:30

After making plans for about two weeks to go watch a movie, my friend and me finally went today and watched ‘Rang de Basanti’. Good movie overall, but some things are pretty stupid and unreal. The defense minister is apparently a corrupt politician, and has been buying cheaper parts for air force fighter planes - MiGs, which have been responsible for many MiG crashes and deaths of the pilots. A friend of theirs who is a MiG pilot dies in a crash, and to avenge that the group of friends decide to kill the defense minister!! I find this stupid, as if defense minister single handedly went to the grocer’s and bought a basket of MiG parts, and no one else is responsible. And that, if they kill him the problem will be solved! Okay, for once I can understand that all of them were full of fury because of the friend’s death. But, the killing was way too simple, and as the movie went about it, it appeared no one had or would have had any clue that they killed him; in fact, the news channels blamed foreign forces for this. Moreover, all they had to do to kill the defense minister of the country was to pick up a gun and shoot the minister while he was very leisurely taking his morning walk on the road without any guards at all, and flee very conveniently without drawing any attention! Although I do not know how the government and this system exactly go on, but I do not believe that killing the defense minister is that easy! Simpler than robbing an empty house.
However, overall, a good watch. Nice movie.
We were running late and reached the movie 5 minutes late, so a lot of confusion about the seats, all the darkness, no one around to direct audience to their seats. Our row was b and we thought it was d, so we entered that row. Then we realized it was b, so we got out of it and entered the wrong column of row b. Confusion all around with more people looking for their seats and entering wrong rows! Aaaaaaaaargh! So finally, we settled in our seats.
We were talking about something in very hush hush voices when we suddenly hear a very loud “LOOSE CONTROL!!”… We were shaken and were in a state of shock for 2 seconds, haha. Then we realized we had a huge speaker above on the wall beside our seats – we were sitting in corner seats.
A couple beside us where the girl probably had recently bought her cell and was continuously fidgeting with it. She did not let the backlight turn off for more than 30 seconds at a stretch. And, after everything she whispered in her boyfriend’s ear, all he had to say was “Oh, SHUT up!” A little while later the tables turned. It was her turn now, and she said “SHUT UP, Ashutosh.” I wanted to say “get out Ashutosh, and take your girlfriend with you!!!” Immediately after that, a kid started wailing uncontrollably. They were silent for a while then, and as soon as the people in the movie killed the defense minister, the soundtrack of kal ho na ho began. I thought how ridiculous can they get. But thankfully (or actually not), it was the ringing tone of a cell that belonged to the guy sitting exactly behind us. Then finally he did us a favor by receiving the call, but he was shouting in my ears as he talked. During the interval, the couple got themselves a pizza, and they girl appeared to be an ogre while she ate it. And this time, I was not the only one amazed – even her boyfriend was staring at her. Peacefully watched the movie for about next 10 minutes, and someone screams “Haha, tujhe Accounts mein sirf Saadhe teen aaye hai”, some one sitting very far in the front of us. And everyone could hear him, and someone shouted “Aur tujhe kitne aaye hai”. Could have been funny, if the couple beside me had let us watch rest of the movie in peace. Then the girl again says something to the guy and this time Mr. Ashutosh goes a step ahead and says… no, actually, Shouts - **** OFF!! I really wanted to slap both of them at that instant. Why were they sitting there at all? Why did they need to talk if this was all they could say?! Anyways, they were not a lot of trouble after that except the irritating backlight of the girl’s cell. They must have stopped talking after that.
So we finished our popcorn and cokes and were out of that crazy place, came back home and sat in my room talking for a while. Somehow, both of us had ended up with bad moods because of our separate reasons and had totally forgotten about the movie within 30 minutes of the movie’s end.
Well, anyways I am doing okay right nowJ. See ya

Regards,

Devil’s own

My current wallpaper

2006-01-29T17:40:00.000+05:30

Once upon a time...

2006-01-25T17:37:00.002+05:30

No no dont be scared, I won't start narrating a fairytale here. A comment I got on a post of mine titled "D-I-S-C-O" reminded me of this incident and i thought i'll write about it here.
When I was in the first year of college we had this teacher who had a really bad language... i mean she could hardly speak one sentence in proper english
Once, our whole class had been given a case study to work on, and while discussing it everyone was in a rush to talk about his or her own analysis and conclusions. so it had really become quite noisy and everyone was speaking all at once.
Suddenly our teacher shouts at the top her voice. She says "ONCE UPON A TIME!!!". All of us turned and looked at her... we were really puzzled. Pin-drop silence in the class. Excuse me? what's with this story telling? We are in the middle of a case study! Once upon a time what? Everyone is staring at her blankly waiting for her to continue, and she's staring back with anger in her eyes. What's going on? why doesn't she continue? once upon a time what?!
Then she stares at us for about 5 seconds and begins with the case study again. Hello? what happened once upon a time?
After a lot of thinking we realised that she actually meant "One at a time"!!! hahaha
I sometimes wonder do I laugh or do I bang my head against the wall when things like these happen.

Regards

Devil's own

Morally impaired

2006-01-25T17:37:00.001+05:30

I had come across the term ‘open relationship’ somewhere some time back, don’t remember where, and couldn’t understand what that meant. Not single, not attached, but in an open relationship. I thought the term sounded weird, but didn’t go any deeper into it to understand the meaning. A few days back, there was a newspaper article on the topic – redefining monogamy. It said that open relationships are the in thing, not with yuppie college goers, but with civilized married couples. Not just in the Cosmo part of the country and the world but even in the small towns like Ambala, Meerut et al. I was aghast. I was shocked. I thought that article must be by a witty columnist making fun of it, or at least one that depicted the deteriorating lifestyles, and completely morally impaired people that are hopelessly and continuously devaluing human relationships. But what is the world coming to! It actually advocated the issue in positive light and how it cures boredom and monotony in the life of married couples. I’d rather not marry at all if I had to live this kind of a life, or face even a nanosecond of it.
But first, for those of you who have been unaware of this new trend like me, here’s an introduction to the basics of open marriage, also known as managed monogamy (!!!). This makes it sound filthier to me… managed monogamy?! What rubbish. Administration and management at home to run the marriage smoothly?! Provide benefits and incentives to ensure job satisfaction at home?! Here’s a part from that article.

*****

“New age couples are defining their out-of-marriage encounters as part of managed monogamy, where the spouse approves all external romantic and sexual encounters. According to a report, couples shouldn’t take monogamy for granted. Instead, they should take the urge to stray for granted. For couples who want to be in the happily-ever-after category, this is the new truth…
… It’s a positive trend, as it allows couples to look at inadequacies in their relationship and seek sexual and romantic partners who can fulfill them…
… Most couples explain that they’re switching to managed monogamy as short-term adventure that will prevent them from straying away forever…
… Says naina, ‘… Yes I am having an affair with my colleague. I discussed this with my husband and he’s okay about my dating this guy. Aditya has a crush of his own, so he’s actually quite preoccupied with her. We both understand our ‘other’ attractions as for us it is a mutual decision to date other people and yet remain married to each other.’”

*****

Excusez moi, why get married in the first place if you cant live with one person all your life?
Crush? Dating? MAN! Outrageous! Prevent them from straying forever? Ha! What more is left to stray from? It is shameful enough to read about it, and when I think of how are they going to raise children and what are they going to teach them I get all dizzy. Either the children would be completely ashamed of their parents, or they’ll be as morally impaired as their parents. Both these situations aren’t healthy. I hope these ultra hip couples remain busy with their dating and affairs and choose not to have children. I still don’t understand, that when it is so difficult to stay with one person, WHY is the need to get married? Social or financial or emotional security?! Disgusting!

If this is urbanization or modernization, then I’d rather live in the middle ages.

Man very tactfully finds explanations to vindicate everything he wants to do. Not that he would stay away from it thinking it to be bad if it is not justified, just that if it is justified it will be convenient and hassle free for him, keeping him completely devoid of guilt feeling, and any blames. This is exactly why there can never be anything which can be termed as good or bad. Something is bad only until it finds explanations and justifications for being necessary or unavoidable, or at least acceptable, and then it handily transforms first into a necessary evil, and then into something good or atleast something pretty normal. But shouldn’t there be a limit to this? But of course, who will set the limit? But, to think of it, isn’t that what morals and ethics are supposed to do? Aren’t they supposed to put boundaries where man’s greed fails?

As the line in the song ' Affirmation' by savage garden goes... 'i believe that trust is more important than monogamy'... yeah sure it is. but not that monogamy isn't important. And i cannot trust people who indulge or even believe in "managed monogamy"!!! Honesty is a virtue, yes. But honesty won't get you anywhere if you are doing unethical things. Kill someone and be honest about it, betray your spouse and be honest about it! NO dude! it doesn not work that way.

Not that people didn’t stray or have extra marital affairs without this concept of managed monogamy, but now they have a public license to do as they please and be proud of it and flaunt it. Guilt comes nowhere in the picture, as the couple is aware of what the spouses are up to, and all they will do about it is find themselves a date too. The concept of family has been totally lost here. Nobody has the benefit of blaming the spouse for cheating because there’s nothing hidden here, nothing secret. I wish there arises an ethical revolution which gets everyone back to their senses and save them from doom. As for me, I’m pretty content with my old fashioned ways.

Regards,

Devil's own

Oops!

2006-01-25T17:37:00.000+05:30

I was coming back home with my friend from somewhere. We were discussing something and we began arguing, we were annoyed, and she was really bugged and frustrated because of something. We were totally engrossed with our discussion and didn’t realize we were on the road. Actually the volume was pretty fine for the road as long as we were driving. Had we been speaking in a lower volume we wouldn’t have been able to hear our own voices coz of the roar of vehicles, the horns, the air rushing past, and of course… as it was the day before 26th January – the republic day, there were patriotic songs blaring out of the loudspeakers and horn shaped things everywhere which was pretty irritating. I hate it even when people play bhajans and prayers at loud volumes for everyone in a 3 mile radius to hear. I can’t stand that! Fine, you have faith, you are singing praise of your gods, and you are praying, but why can’t you keep it personal??? Why disturb everyone else? Not that I have anything against prayers and bhajans, just that I can’t understand all the shouting and screaming and it doesn’t even sound like music anymore. Besides, I don’t understand what people are trying to achieve by sitting in front of god’s picture and shout and blare for hours. I don’t think anyone can find peace in that. I am a believer in god too, but it is a personal matter to me. Now look how I have completely drifted away from the topic I was talking about!
Yeah, so we were lost in our conversation and we arrived at a traffic signal, still talking. She was telling me how bugged and how bad she was feeling, and I said “Why?” She said “Because...”, and she paused and turned to look at me. I was confused for a nanosecond, and then realized everyone around had turned their heads towards us and were staring at us as if waiting to hear further. Like everyone is looking at us and saying “Yeah, tell us why? We are also interested!”. We were totally embarrassed, and had stopped talking and staring at the people around. There was an elderly couple on our left, where the lady was staring at us while holding her saree so that it didn’t slip off her head, a college going dude to our right who had lifted his helmet’s flap (whatever it is called) and looking at us with curious eyes, a kid to sitting behind his dad and staring at us was in front of us to the right, two petrol pump attendants beside him, two girls beside the petrol pump attendants. I didn’t have the heart to turn around and look at more faces staring at us. I wanted to disappear. I just dug my head in my friend’s shoulder… haha… she didn’t even have that advantage. She was driving she couldn’t even cover her face with her hands. The 70 or so seconds that we had to wait at the signal seemed like an eternity, and we couldn’t wait to run away from there. We were thankful to god when we got to escape from that place, and five minutes later were laughing so bad our faces hurt, and we had tears in our eyes from the laughing. And I thought this just happened in movies!
Things that happen to me!

Regards,

Devil's own

Doofus!

2006-01-19T18:00:00.000+05:30

Today, my friend and I were sitting in my room eating burgers and talking. She had a class at six, and it was half an hour to go when we began talking. We lost track of time, and then she had to miss her class. So we talked some more, and then decided to go out for some coke. We drove around a bit, while thinking of a place to go to. We agreed on one and went there. We were pretty filled after eating the burgers and ordered just coke. As usual I picked up the menu and started browsing through it. I do that a lot, whether I wanna eat or not, I have a habit of reading the menus when they are in front of me, and almost all the time I come across weird names of dishes, and really funny spelling mistakes. That is why I go through the menus. This time I came across things like “ Janta Zing Sandwich, Bread Kachha (Yes, this was the spelling!! Haha… rotfl), Butter Slice Totast Sandwich, scezan noodles and stuff,…and a whole bunch of other spelling mistakes.

The place was really weird. It had iron chairs, that were painted mauve, and had red cushions on them, and there was plastic cover on the cushions too, as if infants come in to eat there! In front of the entrance was a wall where there were bathroom tiles of all colours and designs, which obviously looked like a display that I would have rather seen in a hardware or lifestyle store. There was an apology of a painting on a wall… I’d rather not put it into the category of art, it was pitiful. But the place wasn’t dirty or small or anything, and this ‘décor’ had definitely not arisen out of lack of cash.

Fine, so we finished our cokes and went over to pay the bill. I asked how much... 24 rupees. I said okay, but the bottle says the price is 8 bucks. So how come 24 for two cokes? A guy went over to the table where we were sitting, picked up a bottle, and said hmm. Then again came over to us and stood silent. I said “so… how much?” 24 rupees. I stared at him and very respectfully asked why? The idiot sitting behind the counter said “hamaare yahan bottle vottle ka rate nahi chalta, menu mein barah rupeh likha hai”, Kyu menu central government ne chhaap ke diya hai kya? And he said “Is jagah ka kiraya pacchhees hazaar rupaye hai, bees hazaar (god knows what he said) mein lag jaate hai” Big Deal!!! Why was the moron telling me all that? Isn’t it obvious that there would be expenses if you’re running any kind of business? The idiot was actually shouting, and all the people sitting there were staring at him, and I was totally confused and all I could say was “What?!” The guy was rude like hell, and was talking as if he had done us a favor by letting us sit there and have coke. So much for customer care! Well, I couldn’t stand the sight of him anymore, nor did I want to create a scene with that miser. So we paid our share of his shop rent (!) and left the insane place, and swore to never ever go back there.

Regards,

Devil's own

Please hear what I am not saying...

2006-01-19T17:57:00.001+05:30

I read this in one of the Chicken soup for the soul series. Pretty good.

Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I am afraid to take off,
And none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that is second nature to me,
But don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
That confidence is my name and coolness is my game,
That the water’s calm and I’m in command,
And that I need no one.
But don’t believe me.
My surface my seem smooth, but my surface is my mask,
Ever varying and ever concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
A nonchalant sophisticated façade, to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
From my own self built prison walls,
From the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me
Of what I cannot assure myself,
That I’m really worth something.
I don’t like to hide.
I don’t like to play superficial phony games,
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,
But you’ve got to help me.
You’ve got to hold out your hand
Even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
The bland stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you’re kind and gentle and encouraging,
Each time you try to understand because you really care,
My heart begins to grow wings, very small wings,
Very feeble wings,
But wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
You can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.

Who am I, you may wonder.
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet.
For I am every woman you meet.

- Jill Zevallos-Solak

Regards,

Devil's own

Get out of my way!

2006-01-19T17:54:00.000+05:30

I get so bugged so many times while driving. It seems that whenever I’m in a rush to reach someplace (and when I’m not too), everybody else on the road has all the time in the world. Every single person in the city has to cross the road or even take a walk in the middle of it at the exact time when I am passing that stretch of the road. And okay, fine, I’ll keep up with it. I’m probably just getting too chaotic because I’m in a hurry, but seriously I always feel that whenever I’m honking the horn its to take out my frustration instead of asking someone to get out of my way. Atleast I’m sure that is what everyone in front of me thinks. The loud noise of the horn doesn’t even cause anybody to bat their eyelids!!! It doesn’t even bother pedestrians. And as it is I fail to understand why there are people walking in the middle of the road, and how can parents allow kids of about ten to ride their bicycles on highways. They’ve caused me two really bad accidents already, and completely destroyed a favorite dress! I cannot take this! What am I, invisible or something? Plus, people somehow suddenly decide to stop in the middle of the road, change their minds, take U turns everywhere, very conveniently use the other side of the road to get ahead of vehicles in front of them when there isn’t any space in front of them, leave their indicators on and forget about them, give the left indicator and turn right, and don’t bother to indicate in any manner when they actually have to take a turn… and continuously irritatingly and stupidly honk their horns at traffic signals!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggghhhh!!!!

Really bugged,

Devil's own

Please Listen

2006-01-19T17:51:00.000+05:30

I found this in the chicken soup series, and instantly liked it and could relate to it. But yeah, as much as its important for you to have someone listen to you, there are so many times I feel the need to be told what to do. Maybe that is what I was going to do as it is, but I feel safe, I feel secure, and I feel assured, when the words come from someone I love and someone I trust. When someone I love gives me advice, it feels good. I feel cared for. I feel there is someone who’ll be there, and who’ll catch me when I fall, and help me get back on my feet.

Please Listen

When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving me advice,
You have not done what I have asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way,
You’re trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
You have failed me,
Strange as it may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that you listen.
Don’t talk or do – just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get
You both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
In the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself; I’m not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering,
But not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can
And need to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
But when you accept as a simple fact
That I feel what I feel,
No matter how irrational,
Then I can stop trying to convince you
And get about this business
Of understanding what’s behind
This irrational feeling.
And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious
And I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when
We understand what’s behind them.
Perhaps that’s why prayer works, sometimes,
For some people – for God is mute,
And he doesn’t give advice or try to fix things.
God just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.
So please listen, and just hear me.
And if you want to talk, wait a minute
for your turn – and I will listen to you.

Regards,

Devil's own

D-I-S-C-O?!?!

2006-01-19T17:43:00.000+05:30

I was sitting in front of my pc as usual, and playing sudoku while listening to songs playing on winamp. I was completely engrossed in the puzzle and was barely aware of the music playing in the background, despite the volume being more than audible even outside the main door of my place.
As I finished the 7th sudoku puzzle in succession, my attention drifted to the music playing. I have a large collection of different songs from various genres in my computer, and there are a lot of songs I don’t ever listen to, and even loads of those which I have never heard even once. Furthermore, a lot of times, I am not even aware of their existence in my machine.
Okay, so we come back to what I was saying. So the song that started playing was called ‘Disco’ by a band called N-trance. This was not one of those I hadn’t heard before, but for the first time I actually paid attention to what the dude was saying. Before this, whenever I had heard the song, never paid attention, as it sounded like another of those fast numbers you can find use for when on the dance floor. And of course, after I actually heard it, I wished I hadn’t. Ha ha.
So here are the lyrics…

“D-I-S-C-O… D-I-S-C-O… D-I-S-C-O… D-I-S-C-O…
[A whole load of full speed crappy blah blah, which I guess isn’t even intended to get through to the people goes here, which is rephrased or maybe not - a lot of times and inserted after the chorus everywhere.]
She’s D, desirable
She’s I, irresistible
She’s S, super-sexy
She’s C, such a cutie
She’s Oooooooooooooooo [probably stretched this long for the lyricist being at a loss of a proper and rhyming adjective beginning with ‘O’ that can fit in here]
She is Disco… She’s Disco… She is Disco” (And this continues, and fades away with the end of the song)

So…
The girl, according to the word web is “A public dance hall for dancing to recorded popular music”. Haha. Is this supposed to make sense? Couldn’t they put in better words in here? She’s disco??? This is really absurd!!

I somehow get myself to stop analyzing the lyrics and searching for a sensible meaning for the song, and decide to do that later. I think of deleting the song from the hdd, but then decide otherwise and let it be. But what I do is switch to familiar and understandable music for the moment, and jump to ‘Gin Soaked Boy’ by ‘The Divine Comedy’.

Regards,
Devil's own

Septette

2005-12-19T17:44:00.000+05:30

Seven words I use most often (phrases actually)

1. "Yeah, right"
2. "Alright"
3. "Puhleease"... and also the polite "please"
4. "Nahii jee"
5. "What?" and "WHAT??!?!?!!!?!"
6. "Sorry"
7. "Thank you"

( and some more like.. oh, whatever, very funny, obviously and my favourite... "i'm hungry!"
and, my friend reminded me... " This is not done", and lately i've been hmming a lot :))

Seven Things I should do

1. Get into a really good place for my pg
2. Have my calcium, vitamin, and iron supplements regularly, and have milk everyday
3. Cut down on coke
4. Start getting enough sleep and sleep max by 0200 hrs
5. Keep my mouth shut when soe ignoramus is talking bullshit
6. Attend my classes at college regularly
7. Stand up for myself when someone takes me for granted

Seven things I can do

1. Talk all day and never run out of things to say
2. Have a permanent smile on my face without my cheeks hurting at all
3. Stray awake for 96 hours at a stretch
4. Cook (and also make Nimbu ka achaar :))
5. Make yummy cappuccino at home
6. Daydream
7. Embroider (and design dresses)

Seven things I can't do

1. Save money
2. Keep my mouth shut when someone is not making sense
3. Attend a lecture where the teacher gobbles up stuff from a book, and then squirts it all out word to word in the class, not knowing anything above that
4. Say no to a friend
5. Control my laughter
6. Take false accusations
7. Bear to watch the likes of mithun chakravorty and govinda dance

Seven things I plan to do

1. Get a high paying job, in a good firm, in a good place
2. Get a black mitsubishi lancer as my first car (sigh)
3. Buy a beautiful, snug and cosy little house for me and decorate and take care of even the littlest things in it myself
4. Spend my whole life with the person I love
5. Learn French, German, Japanese and a few more languages
6. Learn many many recipes from all over the world
7. Travel to LOTS of places

[and.. learn lots of different dances, write a book someday, have really long hair, join a gym, have f.r.i.e.n.d.s. dvds-all seasons, go to andaman and nicobar for a while and forget all my worries, volunteer for an andi-aids organization, and also an organization like cry... always have a refrigerator full of chocolates when i begin earning... umm... i plan to to lots of stuff :)]

i'd like to tag...

actually, the people may choose to accept or reject the tag... just suggesting

Rainmaker
Sonny Shine(sonny where have you been?? what happened to yr blog? write to me when u read this)
sups
weltanschauungs
taggy (tag you've been tagged! :D)

well i guess these people are all i can think of at the moment, i'll add more later

Love,
Devil's own

some more garfield!

2005-11-17T16:40:00.000+05:30

Betrayal

2005-11-16T14:19:00.000+05:30

How're you supposed to behave or react or whatever when people who you call friends do lowly things like stealing your stuff, and also, think they've got away with it; and that I am a fool who'll not even notice and keep trusting the person blindly?! Some of it may even be true. I am actually going to let the person get away with it. I don't know what else I can do. I am not going to shrink to the person's level and put up a fight. And it is not about the stuff that the person took without my permission (basically, steal!), it is about the person who did it! And it is about what the person meant to me. I am in an awkward position now. The person should be feeling ashamed and guilty, but I don't notice any such signs looking at the person. Instead, I am feeling ashamed! How can the person act as if nothing happened, face me, and see me in the eye! But well I am gonna try to act as if nothing happened too. It is really not about what the thing stolen cost me. I don't care what the thing is, or what the price of the thing that the friend (do I call the person that?) stole is. It is about betrayal. Had the person told me that the person liked that thing, or asked for it I would have just given it to the person. This 'person' thing is getting to my nerves, I’d rather use he/she, but I don't intend to give anyone, or the person any idea of who I am talking about, and what am I referring to. I'd rather not create havoc out of this, nor do I want to make anybody think low of the person, coz the person still remains a friend, and I may as well write this off as a small mistake that happened.
But I am bugged and I am annoyed big time!
This is not done!
This is treason!
I feel besieged!
This is breach of the unwritten and unsaid contract that is there between people who know each other as friends!
I hate, loathe and am disgusted by such things!
"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you".... But for god's sake don't steal!!!
Please... if you are my friend, be one.

Heavy-duty Childhood

2005-11-16T14:16:00.000+05:30

This Sunday, the newspaper had a children’s day eve special column… actually... not a column… it was two whole pages. The articles were nicely done, no doubt; but they were disturbing. Not that there were sad or traumatizing news pieces, but thinking about them made me feel… I don’t know what word I should use here... Perturbing? Distressing? Disturbing? I don’t know.

There was this part, which had interviews of four children. An actor, a kid with two CEO parents, a 10-year-old girl, and a12 year old kid who works in a tea stall.

What caught my attention, were the interviews of the latter two.
The girl, at 10, says her favorite brands are Zara and Armani, talks about fashion sense, and doesn’t go anywhere without her earrings and lip-gloss!!! On being asked if she would like to remain a kid, or grow up, she says I like being a kid. Okay, good. That’s the answer I expected out of a kid. But why does she want to remain a kid? That is because this way she gets to socialize (!) and have her own space! Her favorite TV show is desperate housewives. Shahrukh khan is her favorite actor, but she doesn’t like him in the new lux ad, because… he looks gay!! Man! Either I just woke up from a very long sleep, or the kids are growing up too fast. At 10, I didn’t even know what the heck is gay! I mean at the most I must’ve known that it means happy. I really don’t like this. Kids should act like kids. Lip gloss! At this age! Alright, I cannot compare all this with myself, because it’s been a decade since I was 10 and the world had obviously changed, and moved on. But this isn’t exactly my idea of progress or advancement. The kids keep getting smarter… good, but learning should be at it’s own pace. All this makes them lose the innocence and purity that kids stand for.

Next to the interview of this girl, was another interview of a 12-year-old kid. He was also not very naive, but because of completely different reasons. Because of his survival instincts. He knows he has to take care of himself and earn for himself and his family too. He works at a Mumbai tea stall, works 12 hours a day, earns 900 rupees a month, and sleeps on the pavement. He never gets to watch movies or television; he only occasionally listens to the fm radio, which was there at the tea stall. His idea of a holiday is getting enough sleep. Happiness, to him, means meeting his parents – which he gets to do not more than once a year. His dream is to build a huge house with 4 rooms, in his village. He has no idea what children’s day is and has not heard of people called Mahatma Gandhi or Pandit Nehru. He doesn’t know who’s Sania Mirza, and can vaguely recall someone called Sachin as a guy who plays some sport.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to write now. I can’t explain what I think. But then again, I am just a part of a big crowd, which notices that these things happen, and stand there and watch it happen. There’s a whole bunch of kids who love wearing lip gloss, and who knows hair gel too; have favorite international brands, and ‘need space’… and then there are children who can just dream about living in a 4-bedroom house and being with parents.

We had compulsory moral values classes everyday in school, which were always conducted as the first lecture of the day. Of course, we didn’t really look forward to them, and actually found them boring and time wasting. But now, I and I’m sure the rest of my schoolmates too, understand that how important, and necessary they were. We as children do not know what we should learn and what not, but we learn when we are taught, and then retain it. Schools are for this purpose exactly... Education… Teaching. Certainly, parents are the biggest influences, but then schools play a major role.

There was another article in the same newspaper about the new generation of kids and schools. Pre-school kids are taken to McDonald’s’, Pizza Huts and Shopping Malls in the name of field trips. A particular school has Reebok shoes as a part of it’s school uniform. Kids are taken to departmental stores to show them what varieties of rainwear are available in the market. I can’t seem to make sense out of this kind of a course curriculum no matter how hard I think. The children in these schools are given Lays once a week, and something else on the rest of the days… so, I guess health food is out and junk is in!?!? The schools are actually teaching children that lays is food?

May sound hilarious, but seriously, I am already worried about my future kids! No kidding.

The average daily pocket money of these kids (I didn’t know pre-school kids get pocket money too!), is 50 bucks. I thought, at least parents should pay attention to what is happening, and put their children in better schools. Schools - which haven’t run out of things to teach children. But then, that hope fades away when I read a parent’s statement. Her kid says ‘I’ll not go to school in that car today!’ He’ll only go in a particular model of car… and… I don’t believe this… She just laughs it off?!

Wake up people!!!

The Best Things in Life

2005-11-15T17:55:00.007+05:30

This is the list I said I‘d post here. I love this. Seems the best things in life aren’t things!

*Falling in love
*Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you
*Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep
*Making new friends or spending time with old ones
*Playing with a new puppy
*Late night talks with your roommate that keep you from sleeping
*Having someone play with your hair
*Sweet dreams
*Hot chocolate
*Road trips with friends
*Swinging on swings
*Watching a good movie cuddled up on a couch with someone you love
*Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies
*Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid
*Going to a really good concert
*Getting butterflies in your stomach every time you see that one person
*Making eye contact with a cute stranger
*Winning a really competitive game
*Making chocolate chip cookies
*Having your friends send you homemade cookies
*Spending time with close friends
*Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends
*Holding hands with someone you care about
*Running into an old friend and realizing some things (good or bad) never change
*Discovering that love is unconditional and stronger than time
*Riding the best roller coasters over and over
*Hugging the person you love
*Watching the expression on someone’s face as they open a much awaited present from you
*Watching the sunrise
*Getting out of bed every morning and thanking god for another beautiful day
*Laughing so hard your face hurts
*A hot shower
*No lines at the supermarket
*A special glance
*Getting mail
*Taking a drive on a pretty road
*Hearing your favorite song on the radio
*Lying in bed listening to the rain outside
*Hot towels out of the dryer
*Finding the sweater you want is on sale at half the price
*Chocolate milkshake
*A long distance phone call
*A bubble bath
*Giggling
*The beach
*Finding a 100 rupee note in your coat from last winter
*Laughing at yourself
*Midnight phone calls that last for hours
*Running through sprinklers
*Laughing for absolutely no reason at all
*Having someone tell you you’re beautiful
*Laughing at an inside joke
*Friends

some more...

2005-11-15T17:55:00.006+05:30

Garfield

2005-11-15T17:55:00.005+05:30

Here are some garfield strips from my collection. I love 'em. I can't seem to post more than five at a time. so i'll post some more as separate posts

This one's here only coz garfield is saying the title of my blog! I loved it:)

Freedom

2005-11-15T17:55:00.003+05:30

This is an image that i created quite some time back, but i completely forgot about it. A friend gave me some coins on a birthday. The one I liked the most had an eagle spreading it's wings
on one side, with 'freedom' written above it; and on the other side was "No cash value". Both the sides had stars on the border. I really loved it, still do. They are one of my most cherished gifts. We take our freedom for granted. We assume that it's pretty normal to go anywhere we want to, dress anyway we want, speak about anything, say whatever we wanna, eat whatever we want... to us it does seem pretty normal actually. Not everybody in the world has the freedom that we have. Think about it.

Regards,
Me.

p.s. though there's nothing really great about the image.. do tell me what you think of it.

Karma Cola

2005-11-15T17:55:00.000+05:30

I borrowed the title from a book I once saw in a bookstore. I do not know what that one was about, but this title seemed to fit this post perfectly.

I have often spent time thinking on selflessness. I have not been able to arrive at a conclusion. Does selflessness actually exist at all? Do not get the idea that I am writing this out of frustration and anger. However, a part of my mind is always thinking about this, or at least along these lines.

Now, what does ‘selfless’ or ‘unselfish’ mean? According to the WordWeb, selflessness or altruism is the quality of unselfish concern for the welfare of others; or, acting with less concern for yourself than for the success of the joint activity. Basically, without the effort doing you good, or helping you in any way whatsoever. However, my point is that I personally do not believe that such a thing exists. Or, maybe it does, but hasn’t come to my notice yet. Even the ‘genuine’ acts of kindness or benignity are done for the person’s own self.

Let us for instance take the very clichéd act of helping someone poor – giving money or something to a beggar, or a poor little kid on the road. Why should, and why would anyone do that, unless, he is gaining in some manner out of it. Especially in a country like ours – where there are numerous Gods and ‘Avatars’, and where the concept of ‘Karma’ prevails – things like these are certainly done to earn ‘punya’, because of the philosophy that karma or a person’s actions are what determine his destiny in his next life. Are the beggars by the road asking for your help? No. They are selling ‘punya’ to you in exchange of what you give them. Even in the simplest of thought processes, and if you are not too much into the concept of karma and stuff, you are probably doing it to get the satisfaction of helping somebody. You are getting some returns out of the act. Okay, even if you are giving the money to make the beggar go away coz he is bothering you, then too, you are getting freedom, relief or peace of mind. Quite often, people do this to show other people around them how generous and kind they are.

Alright, let’s switch to another topic. The beggar thing is a little external. Let us look at the mother-child relationship, which has always been looked up to, and respected. Why does a mother love her child? Because that is her own flesh and blood or a symbol of a cherished relationship or because he’s her own child…..I can go on using other terms to explain this, but I guess you’ve got a basic idea of what I’m trying to say. Does she love any other child in the whole world as much as she does her own? I’m not trying to degrade this ‘pure’ relationship, nor do I intend to offend anybody. This is just an expression of my mind – no reference to any particular person.

Most people love children. Why? Because little kids are a pleasure to watch, cute and cuddly, relax your stressed mind, bring a smile to your face. So, they are giving you something you are interested in getting, right? But, do you love all the children like a mother does her own? No, because they are not your own children.

Au fond, I just think that selflessness is a concept born of the human mind. It just does not exist in the world that I reside in.

However, this post, and might be some other posts of mine too have been thought about in too much depth, and sound philosophical too. Of course, I believe in what I have written, but generally, I too prefer to take things on their face value. That way you get more satisfaction and bliss out of life. Whenever you go in too deep analyzing and rationalizing the littlest things in life, you end up feeling unsatiated. The smallest things in life can give you oodles of happiness. Let us not frighten the mirth away. It is after all a wonderful feeling to bring a smile on someone’s face. I have a list on my bedroom wall, which is entitled “The Best Things in Life”. I will post it here too.

A friend once said – you choose to be intelligent, or you choose to be happy! Haha!!! What do you choose to be?

Regards,
Me

trust

2005-09-06T12:04:00.002+05:30

I was lying on my bed thinking about deceit, peeople, and trust and thought that I should keep trusting people, just not rely on them! I think it sounds pretty sensible.
"Trust people, just don't rely on them"
Love,
Devil's own

The Maze

2005-08-24T15:01:00.000+05:30

Six or seven years back I had read a book by some Russian author and the book was called the maze. This was the kind of image on it's cover...

The Indian woman...

2005-08-24T14:41:00.000+05:30

Original by M.F.Hussain, recreated by me.
I was sitting in front of the telly and had this rough paper and pencil in my hand, i made this without even touching the eraser, turned out to be good! I wish i had used better paper.... but here's it...

A Sketch of David Duchovny

2005-08-24T14:22:00.000+05:30

Frustoo

2005-08-24T14:05:00.000+05:30

Hiii... found this image somewhere and just loved it!!!

Dark Distort

2005-08-24T13:58:00.000+05:30

Hey guys... here's another image i created on my computer

The Brobdingnagian Prescription...

2005-08-24T13:33:00.000+05:30

I dreamt yesterday that I had developed leukemia. This was not one of my pleasant dreams but, I am a total dreamer. My dreams seem very real, and at times I forget whether something that happened in a dream, or was it real. A lot of times things happen and I wonder hey how come this is happening this had (or had not) happened already. Then I realise, that it was just dream. The same way, when things are going exceptionally right, (or otherwise) i ask myself - is this for real?

So let me get back to what i was telling you. I dreamt that i had leukemia. People around me were upset, consoling me, and crying. And i sat in my bedroom chair without an opinion or expression. I was fed up with people coming up to me and being sweet to me because i was going to die. Whenever someone did that, all i could think of was how the person had been rude, insulting, knave or bitchy before, and that how he or she has very casually put on the goody goody mask.

(All I was worried about was my hair.... not death!)

The dream wasn't really dramatical, nor did it have a happy or sad ending, actually, it didn't have an ending at all... it was like a pretty normal day in my life.

This is where the dream ended

I woke up actually believing that I had leukemia. Not in a way that it had suddenly been discovered, or had just come to my knowledge, but like i had been living it. What i saw in my dream was what must have happened the day or a few days before. I was feeling sick. I could actually feel the cancerous cells conquering my body through my blood. I got up and stood in front of the mirror. I looked pretty normal, but i saw myself as a cancer patient. And i percieved dark circles, falling hair and the likes. I was brushing my teeth and I thought.... Hey! i am feeling better today! Better than what? and then i thought... Wait!!! it was a dream!

Think of what psychology can do to us! What we think, that we become.

But the dream did have roots in my actual life.

I have not been in the pink of my health. I get tired, i have backaches, i dont eat, and have stamina in the negative. I know all this is because of my ignorance in the matters of eating and sleep. I sleep 4 hours a day on an average, i have just one meal a day. I hate milk. there's something about the way it smells.... many people tell me... why do you have to smell it before you drink it. But hey come on... i dont poke my nose into it, if i drink it, the smell, enters my nose, and as soon as the feel of the taste touches my tongue, i get repelled.This is making my health worse.I knew I was short of Calcium, vitamins and iron, and my sister had told me to get my blood checked for levels of haemoglobin.So this is where blood comes into picture.In my dream I developed blood cancer.

So in the evening I went to the doctor. He gave me a prescription which looked like weird things scribbled on a small piece of paper, but turned out to me massive! He gave me a big bottle of a tonic which is supposed to make me hungry. The sight of it makes me want to barf!There are two tablets atleast 15mm in length, and 10mm in width, which are supposed to be taken with a big glass of milk. These are calcium and vitamin supplements. All this because of a silly dream i had!!!!!!!

Well, atleast I know that what I have is weakness and not anything more than that!

I hope I get well soon!

Dreams....dreams.....dreams!!!!!

God and I

2005-08-24T13:28:00.000+05:30

What I write here maybe in contrast to what lots of other people think, but what I have written here is just an expression of my mind. I do not intend to make any statements, or challenge anyone's beliefs.

I firmly believe in God, but God, to me, is a power, an Aura, a phenomenal energy. Not a person - not Ganesha, not Shiva. I am not challenging the beliefs of anybody. But all I am saying is that I associate the lords with religion not spirit. Religion is something that gives a protocol to abide by. Although I am not a believer in this, but, religion comes across to many people as a way to be in touch with or reach God. People who follow their religions feel assured that they are on the right path, and are on their way to god, or atleast make god happy. Religion is what makes them get through everyday in life. So if someday they are told that their religion is not true to them, or if they are made to see flaws in their religion, or if someone points a finger at their religion, they get aggressive or they feel shattered. How otherwise do you explain the fuss over The Da Vinci Code? Religion makes so many unjust things (and at times crimes) justified.

Yesterday i read about a practice in Jainism called "sallekhana". In this, old people who do not have to shoulder any responsibilities voluntarily go in for fasting to death. They don't even drink a sip of water and patiently wait for death to arrive.With all due respect to Jainis, I don't see how it is different from suicide! They believe it is a means to attain Nirvana!! They believe it will free them from the vicious circle of life and death. When the person dies there is a grand funeral procession which is called "Mrityu Mahotsav" (translates tocelebration of death!). The person who dies this way is placed in a seated position in a special seat, and is in the middle of the procession!! I cannot seem to put my feelings in words here.

Religion puts everything in black and white. Everything is either Satanic or Godly. It assigns boundaries, borders and classifications. If you do this you go to heaven, if not you go to hell. It tries to define everything that you do in life. Life is too big, to be written about in a little (or however large) script. Life is not just black and white, there are loads of shades of greys in between, and also reds, yellows, greens and blues for that matter!

People go through life searching for the purpose that the lords have assigned them. Or just the purpose of their life. The purpose of your life has nothing to do with your religion. Infact, you have to define the purpose of your life, you are not born with it. The purpose of your life is what you want to achieve, what to you aspire to be, where you see yourself. Maslow's need theory is more reasonable than religion! Self Actualisation is at the top. After you acheive all your needs... that is, the worldly needs....not Godly(!); you know what you are as a person, what is that which is most important to you.

Forget wondering what your life is about, and why have you been sent to the earth. There isn't any heavenly task that you are expected to acheive. Or if there is, the purpose of your life is to experience life!!! That's it!!!! You have been born into a certain place, to certain parents, have a set of friends and aquaintances, and all you have to do is experience life with all of them.

Materialism is not a sin!! What's important is not where you go after you die... but what happens while you are alive.

I have a friend who's email signature has always appealed to me. It says "Life's too short and life's too long to be somewhere you don't belong". You belong where you as a person want to be, not heaven or hell!!!

I am spiritual as a person, and i meditate. But I meditate because it brings me peace, meditation is also something spiritual to me. God - the power is what gets me through life, not religion. God is someone I can confide in, someone I can be myself with. I don't associate God with religion.

Regards,
Me

Problem Child or Problem Parent????

2005-08-24T13:21:00.000+05:30

I am not a parent, and i am definitely not qualified enough to give expert comments on parenting. Keeping in mind that I just came out of the so called teen age, i won't be making any statements, but just presenting before you my opinions on the topic.

The phenomena of becoming a parent has often been described as the most wonderful feeling in the world. But becoming a parent is not just about giving birth to your offspring. Even two animals when put together will mate and produce a child. But shouldnt there be a significant difference between this process of childbirth and parenting of the human beings and other animals? Man is supposed to be the most intelligent being. that gives him added responsibility in everything he does. The probability of error should be minimal when the case of man is being studied. If man (I am referring to the Homo sapien and not a specific gender), has been given this life and unmatchable intellect, and has been given the ability to bring another life into this world, he certainly is responsible what becomes of the being that he has created.

Once your child comes into this world, you become a parent for life. not just for that moment, not just for the formative years, but forever. But without doubt, the formative years determine the major part of the personality, attitudes, and the life that your child is going to live. You learn from your surroundings, and all that which is present in the immediate living environment is what affects you the most. You are the centre of the world for your child (atleast for a few years when he's born, if not more), and he will look upto you, and learn from your attitude, your behaviour, your reactions. He does not have an understanding of the existence of right and wrong. a child's mind has been compared to Wet clay, which once given shape cannot be budged; and, Sponge which absorbs all the water it can. But the difference is that, sponge can be squeezed and the water can simply be drained. The sponge of the child's mind, matures with time, and what it has absorbed, remains inside. Parents should be extremely careful of what happens around the child.

I may sound like too much of an extremist, but sometimes I feel that there should be some qualification exam before anyone can become a parent. What should be tested is not the intellect and education, but responsibility, attitude and the like, so that the child to be born does not have to face difficult times at home atleast.Parents are supposed to be the only people in the world who are going to be there for you, who will teach you what you need to go through life, and will help you achieve your goals. But life becomes very hard to live if even your parents are preoccupied with their quarrels and egos, and the child feels abandoned. He grows up feeling the same, with mental blocks and biased views of the world. His decision making ability will be affected. He may seem like a perfectly normal person to you, but in the mind of the desolate person there is agony, there is pain, there is confusion, there is fear - fear of connecting, fear of losing people. There is a feeling of inferiority, which is often masked by a superiority complex.

All this and more can be avoided just by two people caring for each other and the child. The child becomes what he sees. I believe any two individuals who decide to become parents should do a whole lot of thinking, and then if they are sure that they will be able to and will provide a healthy and happy environment should they go ahead. Nobody's losing anything here... the parents will be happy and so will the child.

Regards,
Me

A picture by me

2005-08-19T14:34:00.000+05:30

Okay guys..... I guess i wasnt clear. I made it with an ms-paint like software. not ms-paint itself. So the crayon or chalk like effect wasnt a big deal. Tell me what you think of the picture now.

Selective Amnesia??

2005-08-03T18:03:00.000+05:30

I read this in the Times of India, and found it worth thinking it over. This was in a section called mind over matter, which i always pay a lot of attention to. I guess I am pretty true to my species! I mean the female species, not the human. The symbol that represents the females, that has a circle above a cross sign signifies the superiority of spirit over matter. And that is exactly the way I am.

There was an article which said that someone (i really can't recall exactly who!) has suggested deletion of certain parts of ancient scriptures because they are derogatory. The person also claims the support of sankaracharya of a particular mutt and they are seeking support of sankaracharyas of other mutts as well.

Tulsidas quotes "Dhol gawar shudra pashu nari, yeh sab taaran ke adhikari". Which translates to - Drums, illiterate, Dalits and Women are all meant to be beaten. Another scripture prohibits he listening of vedas by the dalits, and says that the punishment for the dalits if found listening to the holy texts is poring molten lead into their ears! If they are found chanting the holy scriptures and shlokas there tongues should be cut off!

These definitely are not fit for the society that exists today, and its a pity that these were actually practiced at some time.... but is deletion of parts of ancient texts a solution to any problem? This is the height of political correctness. If the man (who suggested this), and the sankaracharyas actually want to work for the cause of the upliftment of women, and the weaker parts of the society, they should understand what and why the history was like it was, and why and how should the society change for better now. They must think of doing something in the present- in the now- and not try changing the past.

Superiority is not in being superior to someone else, but being superior to your own previous self. Its too easy to say that you want to reform the society, what counts is the action. I have this Dennis poster in my room that says "Action speak louder than words... Prove your worth!" how true!

Throw in your comments

Love
Devil's own

Laugh a while

2005-08-03T17:48:00.000+05:30

A man with a strange problem pays a visit to a psychiatrist. The problem is that the man thinks that he is dead. The psychiatrist tries with all his skills, reason and wit to convince him otherwise, but the man won't budge.
The Psychiatrist makes him sit in front of a mirror and asks him to keep repeating to himself while sitting there "Dead men don't bleed" for three hours.
The man sincerely obliges.
After three hours the psychiatrist returns and pricks the man's finger with a blade, and it begins to bleed.
The psychiatrist says "There, now what does this prove?"
The man replied "Dead men Do bleed"!!!!!!!!

Passing Thought.....

2005-08-03T17:36:00.000+05:30

I am patient with stupidity, but not those who are proud of it!

The Diary of a Young Girl

2005-08-01T14:11:00.000+05:30

Hi all

I have been reading The diary of a young girl by Anne Frank. It's pretty interesting and you read atleast something in every book you read that makes your mind tick. I found so many things about Anne that were like me, but ofcourse so many more which were nothing like me.
For those of you who do not know, I'll introduce you to the book. It has been written during the second world war from 1942 to 1944. A young jewish girl (Anne) gets a diary as a present on her birthday and begins writing in it. She is popular among friends, and has boys always asking her out. She has atleast 20 people to call friends, but still there's no body who she can confide in, no body with who she can talk about her thought. Her friends are too childish for her. So she chooses her diary to talk to.

She talks about the conditions that were being faced by jews around her. She lives in Holland. Although her family is quite well off, and is living in better conditions than millions of people. The family makes preparations to go into hiding. Most of the things that they would require to live comfortably are sent through friends and relatives to the place where they later went to hide in. The franks (anne's family) move in there with another family called the van dans. Its amazing how despite the war, and presence of more important issues to deal with, there still are bitter arguments and disagreements over such petty things, both within and among the families. They still are fighting over whose crockery and china would be used.
But also, inspite of the conditions they are living in they celebrate birthdays and holidays, and give each other whatever little presents they can manage to get. Still celebrating the good things in life. But the horror of being killed at anytime still remains in their minds.
In her family, there's her father and her mother, and her elder siser Margot. Margot is more beautiful, more attractive, more sensible, well mannered, and is loved by everyone. Anne loves her sister, but sometimes feels the need to be appreciated herself. Her sister is more passive, and anne is more frank and forthright.

I guess this is enough about the book.

Now...

I had been feeling miserable, and i even cried. Why is not important here. My friend was trying to make me feel better, and she talked about another friend of mine who is facing a really bad time, and is in a soup.

You must have definitely heard something like .... i cried that i had no shoes, until i met a man who had no feet. Well sounds touchy, and does make sense. especially when you compare shoes and feet. But when you are actually feeling blue, things like these don't help.
Atleast they don't help me.

To think of this, i feel how selfish can I get? the other person, cant even get a good night's sleep, and i am getting all worked up about my little worries.

Now why I talked about the book was this,
there was a part in the book, where a lady talks to anne's mother about something that was troubling her, to which she replied think abt all the misery that the people are facing bcoz of the war, think of the misery in th world and thank god you are not a part of it. we are so much better here.

Anne wrote in her diary, that it is of no help thinking of misery when you are miserable yourself.
This one sentence made so much sense to me, that i sat thinking about it, and related it to myself, and that day, when i thought myself to be so selfish.
I'll read on, and tell you if i come across something else interesting.

Keep your comments coming. Tell me what you thing of this, and do tell me if you also read something or watched something happen, or tv,which got you thinking, or got u a new perspective. I'll post it as a blog here.

Ciao
Love,
Devil's own

Comments

2005-07-25T16:13:00.000+05:30

Hi all

I've been reading all your comments
Thanks a lot
keep 'em coming
I'll be replying to them in the comments place.
find my replies there.
I really appreciate all of your comments

Ciao

love

Devil's own

The movie that sucked!

2005-07-23T14:55:00.000+05:30

I had written in my post yesterday that i was going to wath a movie or two. well I did. The first movie I watched was called "D". I wasn't really looking forward to watching it, and i skipped it at the release in the pic halls too. But it turned out to be quite a movie. Seriously, the movie was good. The actor, wasn't really good looking... but smart, and he knew how to act! most don't.

Then, the next movie in the dvd was Kaal. When it began, i thought ok its gonna be an interesting movie... but oh my god... it was disastrous! The angles that had been shot from, and the background score et al is pretty stylish and good. But there's nothing more than that. I should have known better. The storyline doesnt make sense at all guys!

The movie begins with a glamourous and stylish song, which is in no way related to the movie. Then there is a little bit about a little too hunky national geographic wildlife expert, who is reading about mysterious attacks and killings of people for the past two months in a place called orbit national park. His wife(may have been a girlfriend too, i dont really know) and him decide to go there inspite of knowing that the places roads will be closed in 2-3 days due to bad whether and jungle wont be safe then. ( Did he plan to go there and hunt the tiger down and take badla from him or what?) Then there is a group of three nut friends, and one of their girlfriends, who have bought a new imported car, and the bigger nut is at the driver's seat. Here's something about the four of them. One thing common to all of them was that all of them are psychopaths!

The girl is wearing a tight mini skirt, but is very religious and superstitious. she's arguing with the nut guy at the driver's seat (who's her boyfriend), bcoz he didn't do the pooja b4 driving the new car, and is all hyped up bcoz, the car is black.then a kali billi crosses the road, and they happen to kill it, and so there's more cribbing by the girl. the gaadi breaks down, they take a lift (enter another nut), and raasta mein the pick up the wildlife experts too.

In the middle of the road, there goes something wrong again, and they stop. Three tigers are standing facing them. then a guy with a lathi who calls himself kaali enters, and the tigers are afraid of him and go away. He says the jungle belongs to him and stuff. Slowly, three of the six people are killed. and the remaining three find out that kaali is actually a guide's spirit who's been killing everyone, and they somehow escape death....

i know... only reading it makes you bored... talk abt watching the whole of it!!!!

U know what, i got bored just writing this!

I see the movie as karan johar's failed attempt at giving Ram gopal verma some competition!

Tell me what u feel about the movies

and tell me about some ridiculous movies u've seen

Adios!

Love

Devil's own

2005-07-22T15:32:00.000+05:30

Today I reached college a bit too early. The classes were to begin at half past ten, and i thought that it was half past eight!!! That isn't like me at all. So there were two hours to kill. Me and my friend sat their talking and talking, and it when we looked at the huge clock just past the entrance, it was already quarter past ten. Misha had an HR class going on, and they had been given a five minute break, so we chatted for a while. She told me the HR faculty was brilliant, I gave a thought to whether I was wise to take up marketing, and I have no doubts about it.

Then finally the class began, it was an Integreted Marketing Communications class. My first one for the subject. There were a lot of faces that i hadnt seen, and i came to know that they were the MBA(MS)2yrs third semester students, who are gonna be with us in the mktg classes. The teacher sucked!!!! Atleast she couldnt keep my attention. Then, the lady asked everyone to introduce and also promote themselves!!!!?!?!?! I had a really bad throat today, actually, right now I barely manage to speak. The new guys were like drooling, and they din't make any efforts to not be noticed. But somehow I managed to make quite an impression at the teacher by the little that i spoke.

The next class was Sales and Distribution. I've heard of the term hyperactive, but the S&D faculty was an extreme case! For the first ten minutes, he was amusing and funny with all those jokes and hilarious comments... but then it was a little too much. But atleast he knows the subject that he's teaching... and is good at it.
again, when the classes were done, a 2yrs guy almost fell at me, obviously not accidently. I just stepped back. The idiot!

Right now, I had a bhutta, and then I am sitting here adding to my blog, and checking mails, and after I go home I'll rest a bit, read TOI, and finish with my profit and loss, and begin with time and work. Got some assignments to work on too. My classmate gave me a movie DVD, so I'll probably watch a movie or two before I go to bed. I'll come back tommorow and write more.

Till then!

Love,
Devil's own

Dearest Anonymous

2005-07-22T15:24:00.000+05:30

Dearest Anonymous,
You are getting too restless, so here's a reply for you.
I read you comment, but could not comprehend it, coz no incidences had been cited, nor were you gutsy enough to put your name there. Chill, pal! I won't harm you.... i won't start a revenge campaign, that's your job... remember?! Do you think that all that i wrote was directed at you? Who are you anyway? you mentioned in your comment something about my crossing limits, why don't you mail me and elaborate on the topic. Are you too afraid of disclosing your identity? You adviced me to act so that people start loving me again... Exactly where did i mention a lack of love in my life dude? If you read the blog carefully, u must have also read that i don't have grudges... so, PAL, throw the guilt pang in your heart away, i havent any problems with you. I didn't refer to any particular person, so why are u getting worried sweetheart?! Guilt isn't too good a thing for you. In your next comment, build up enough courage to write your name, or simply mail me, so that both of us can have a better understanding of the paradigms that we hold. Don't be afraid! Adios! Hope to hear from you soon!!! :)
Love,
Devil's own

Krasnoyarsk-26

2005-07-19T19:16:00.000+05:30

I read this book by sidney sheldon and found some interesting information

In Siberia, somewhere in the mountains, and 600 feet below, where only an elevator specially built can go, there's a place called krasnoyarsk-26.

it is a secret city and has been built like any othermodern city. but it's sole existence is for the cause of producing plutonium for building weapons of mass destruction. one hundred thousand scientists and technicians live and work there. in the beginning they were given the finest food and clothes and housing. but they are all there with one restriction that they must agree never to leave. they must cut themselves off completely from the rest of the world for the rest of their lives.

The plutonium is produced in a giant laboratory which has three enormous reactors housed in an immense cave. out of the three reactors, a single one out of them can produce enough plutonium to make anatomic bomb every three days. a single reactor produces half a ton of plutonium in an year, which is enough to make a hundred bombs. they have loads of plutonium stored, but the catch is, they can't stop producing more plutonium even if they want to, because the plutonium from the reactor furnishes the power for the city above. if the reactor is turned off, there will be no light and no heat and thepeople will quickly freeze to death. also, because of the poor state of the russian economy, there is no longer the money to pay the scientists and technicians. the homes they had been given have been deteriorating and there is no money to repair them. all the luxuries they had been given have disappeared and they haven't been paid for months. the people are getting desperate. the paradox is, the amount of plutonium stored there is worth untold millions of dollars, yet the people who created it have nothing andare starting to go hungry.

The secret underground city of krasnoyarsk-26 is one of the thirteen closed cities engaged in nuclear production. krasnoyarsk-26 is located in central siberia, two thousand miles from moscow, and since its creation, it has produced 45 tons of weapons grade plutonium (the book i read this in was published in 2000). although two of the reactors were shut down in1992, one remains active, currently producing half a ton of plutonium a year to make atomic bombs.this is a link where you can know more about it.

http://www.globalsecurity.org/wmd/world/russia/krasnoyarsk-26_nuc.htm

Btw, the book i read all this in was called The sky is falling by sidney sheldon

If you have any interesting pieces of information, do post them, in the comments, and I'll post it here.

Love
Devil's Own

Think about these

2005-07-16T15:34:00.000+05:30

To dream anything that you want to dream
That is the beauty of the human mind
To do anything that you want to
That is the strength of the human will
To trust yourself, to test your limits
That is the courage to succeed

You can run from love
You can run from war
You can run from the cop on the street
You can run from danger
You can run from a stranger
But you cannot run away from your feet

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a really nice person!

DON'T GET CROSS... GET EVEN!

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

It's worth listening to each other patiently. Afterall, we know what we are going to say, on the other hand we dont know what the other person wants to say.

What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that so many others had it good.

Take a risk
Take a chance
Join the club
Join the dance
Learn to fly
Learn to soar
Strive for joy
Strive for more
Be brave just do
Be brave be you

When I was 12

2005-07-16T14:55:00.000+05:30

Here I'm writing a few out of the poems (if i can call them that) which I nhad written when I was 12. They sound imature, and the language is a bit too simple, but hey, I was only 12, and these are very dear and special to me. Each single one has a significance to me.

Here I'm sitting was the first one I wrote, so this one's the most dear to me.

HERE I'M SITTING

Here I'm sitting
Watching everybody emptying the comtents of their hearts into their friends'
I'm sitting here lonely
with no one to talk to
Feeling even more painful than being poked with innumerable needles
Here I'm sitting
Wishing for creatures from other worlds to come
and take me with them
Far away from these earthlings
I'm living in a world full of selfish, cruel and shrewd people
They'd never care about people who are alone
They're all busy with themselves
What one needs to survive in this world
is a true - true friend
Just like the one who comes in my dreams every night
And my thoughts, every moment
Here I'm sitting
Waiting for a friend to come, with who
I can share each and every moment of my life
Here I'm sitting
Now having no hope of finding the friend of my dreams
But, I was, I am and I will be waiting for him forever and ever

**************************

I KNOW, But Still.....

I know we had a big big fight
But let's still be friends forever
You don't want me to show you my face
But let's still be friends forever
You don't find anything good in me
But let's still be friends forever
You think that I'm the world's biggest moron
But let's still be friends forever
You think that I'm immature
But let's still be friends forever
You think I don't know how to sing
But let's still be friends forever
You cannot stand the sight of me
But let's still be friends forever
You think I don't understand your feelings
But let's still be friends forever
You wish that I should disappear
But let's still be friends forever
You think I don't care about you
But let's still be friends forever
I can't survive without you
So please be my friend forever

*******************************

THEY SAY

They say they know me well
But do they know my pain?
They think that I'm stupid
'coz I keep laughing for no reason at all
Do they see the tears behind?
They say that I am stubborn
That I must learn to compromise
Was I born this way?
It's me who's an imbecile
That I want people to understand me
Do I tel them all nI want them to know?
You don't care for him
what wrong has he dont to you?
He wants to push me away
What have I done to deserve this?
No one cares how I feel.
Sometimes I doubt my existence.
People wish for peace in the world
And I'm waiting for a war; a big disastrous war
Then I'll escape
So that people can no more torment me
But all I can do is Wait Wait and Wait
Wishing for my dreams to come true
Someday, Somewhere...

****************************

WHAT?

I don't know
Whether it's diamond or gold
Or of emotions,
That can't ever be told
Is our relationship made
of countless smiles,
of projects and files
talking and sharing
our thoughts and comparing
our lives and those
of the rich and famous
of the known and the anonymous
Making silly songs
and calling peoply by crazy names
Writing poems senseless and long
And playing dumb games
We don't care about presents
Love and faith are the essence
Living each day together
and hoping that this friendship lasts forever

***************************

(This one doesn't have a title)

My affection for him is never ending
Though, I know I don't count for him
My heart is filled with sorrow when he's in pain,
My excitement knows no bounds when he's happy
I miss his usual self
I expect him to get back his happy-go-lucky attitude
But still I don't
I pray to God for him to have bliss
He deserves all the happiness that eternity can hold
He's the nicest person to be with
But people don't figure that out
He has misplaced his usual self
Somewhere in the eccentricities of life
I care too much to let him suffer
But ther isn't much I can do
All I can do is stand by him
and assure him, that the greyest day,
is brighter than it seems
I have a light of hope in my heart
That someday,
Happiness will sprinkle over him, like rains
Let's wait.... Let's Wait....

***************************

Post your comments, tell me what you have to say

Gita

2005-07-16T14:44:00.000+05:30

Someone very dear to me, wrote this and gave it to me. Although I realise the truth about it, I am far from following this. This is a translation of Bhagwatgita's Chapter 2, Shlokas 62, 63, 64 and 65

For a person thinking of sense objects, there grows an attachment for them, from attachment arises desire, from desire anger, from anger results delusion, rom delusion results confusion of memory, from confusion of memory results destruction of intelligence and from destruction of intelligence, he perishes

But that person of controlled senses, who moves about amidst sense objects with the senses governed by the self and free from attachment and aversion- he attains serenity.

When this serenity is attained, there results the destruction of all his misery, verily, the wisdom o the serene minded one gets steady soon.

For the uncontrolled person, there is no knowledge, nor there is meditation for him, and for the unmeditative person, there is no peace and for one bereft of peace, how can there be happiness

If I Knew

2005-07-16T14:32:00.000+05:30

I first came across this when I was in school. This is beautiful, and so very true. We should always take time to tell our loved ones what they mean to us, so that you have no regrets tommorow.

IF I KNEW

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,
"instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.

Roots

2005-07-16T14:05:00.000+05:30

Yesterday night after we had dinner, i went back to my room and started playing Icy tower... which is the most recent game that i've discovered. Daadi(grandmom) came into my room and we started chatting abt here and there. Papa was gonna come quite late. The discussion wandered off to her days in pakistan, that is before the British left. It had been two or three years since she had got married. My grandparents used to live somewhere near Allahbad in Pakistan. They were pretty young then. The Muslims and Hindus had quite a conflicting situation there, and the hindus were being pushed into converting their religion. So lots of hindus fled from there to Hindustan (India). A bus took many Indians on the route to a place in Punjab called Lalru near Ambala. That is where my maternal and paternal grandparents met. They came from differenr places in Pakistan, boarded the same bus on the same day and came to live as neighbours. Who knew that their children will grow up to marry each other, and they'll be relatives. She told me everything, that happened then. My Naani (maternal grandmother) already had a little son when she had come to India, and then after that she bore five more children. My Daadi had six children too. Their children grew up together. We talked for a long time, and we sat chatting till after midnight, and after that I sat thinking in my room about all that she told me. I came to know so many things for the first time in my life. The most surprising one being that my father and mother had a love come arranged marriage. I never knew that! My grandparents came to know only after they were engaged. My mother's brother was my father's best friend, and he chose them for each other.
There are so so so many things that I came to know yesterday. How life completely transforms itself. Two people living in different places become a part of one another's lives. I'll never forget yesterday, and all that we talked about

Cliche Juice

2005-07-14T13:18:00.000+05:30

Cliche Juice

Home is where the heart is and my heart is out travelling.
Up into the wild blue yonder, wingless, prayerful
that this miracle of flight will not end just yet.
Also at home, with you,on the ground
wherever you might he at the moment,grounded like a high schooler,
like a wire,a bird and a wire,feet on the ground
and my heart in my throat now,now in my feet,
lawfully descending with gravity to the lower, lowest,
most sought after most beautifully bound,home.
Aspirations involve reparations.
We reach for the stars wondering what we are.
But my Reason has been found by finding you and looking down
And it is there,not in the stars of fantasized worlds,
fifth dimensions, sixth senses,holy parallel potentates of potentialities-
that my feet will trace their slow as history itself dance:
a walking calligraphy so subtle that it will take 40 years and more
and a view from above with an impersonal remove and lofty attachment
I hope to barely fail at that mythical two- backed beast;
itinerant stasis; like the one I enjoy up here in the well attended air,
to read the cursive strokes of my aggregate footsteps,
like some fairy tale dissolve,'Once upon a time" or twice written
on our little page of earth, ground,
wherever our home may be will be
wherever we happen to be.

This is a poem I absolutely love. and also it has been written by my favourite actor!